Dumbledore is gay, says JK Rowling

Holy crap!

The rumours are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay, Harry Potter author JK Rowling admitted.

Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall, New York.

After reading briefly from the final book, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, she took questions from audience members. She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love". "Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards.

"Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down". Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy".

"Oh, my God," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction."

Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore have already appeared in fan fiction.

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.

Rowling, finishing a brief Open Book Tour of the US, her first tour there since 2000, also said that she regarded her Potter books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and urged her fans to "question authority".

Not everyone likes her work, Rowling said, probably referring to Christian groups that have alleged the books promoted witchcraft. Her news about Dumbledore, she said, would give them one more reason.

http://www.thelondonpaper.com/cs/Satellite/london/breakingnews/article/1157245849929?packedargs=suffix%3DBreakingNews

Rooster's Revenge

Alright, so now for the trauma, as I have promised. Disclaimer that this is not for the faint of heart. You have been warned.

Today I have performed a number of acts that should pretty much secure me in the Book of Life Category. I properly fasted the Fast of Gedaliah, not even experiencing hunger or thirst at its conclusion. I recited the selichot of aforementioned fast as well as that of the Ten Days of Repentence. I ascended Mount Sinai (the cemetery, not the mountain) to visit the graves of my grandparents, aleyhem ha'shalom, braving the two mile freeway backup (no joke) to get into the cemetery today (I guess people are dying to get in... (joke)) . I went to Lake Balboa and performed Tashlich, throwing my sins in the form of breadcrumbs into the living, albeit man-made waters. I had a chicken swung around my head.

Wait, what was that last one?!

I newly have Persian in-laws and it is considered a method of great mazel to the family to perform the ancient ritual of Kapparot, or as we Yiddishists prefer to refer to it, shluggin kapporus. This is probably the closest thing in modern Judaism to the Holy Temple, quite literally a sacrifice. This is also why I am mildly traumatized. I have never performed the ritual, at least never with a living creature, but always with money that I would then donate to charity. But I decided to tag along and so we went to Ohel Moshe in Pico-Robertson this morning and the Rabbi there elevated a rooster by under its wings (so as to not hurt it) over our heads, reciting a formula to transfer our sins onto the rooster. Something like "Though this rooster goes to its death may these people live long lives free of sin". Following this the guy turns aside, massages the neck of the bird, lulling it into a restful state, and takes a special rectangular knife and severed the juggular vein. This is also the first time I have ever experienced shechita. A messy business but that is the only way to have kosher food. The birds will be given, by the way, to poor families as food, thus killing two birds with one stone (pardon the pun), not only somehow ridding us of our sins, but as tzedekah so poor people can have a proper feast on the eve of Yom Kippur.

I must say, as traumatized as this will probably make me, It is also incredibly humbling. This rooster was put to death so that we could somehow be cleansed of our sins. Kinda makes you want to avoid sin at all costs. I finally have an appreciation for the Hebrew term "Yirat Chet" "Fear of Sin". Short of going to a mikvah (something I have yet to do in my life) and being sprinkled by the ashes of the red heifer (something anyone is yet to do in their life in the past 2000 years), I am squeaky clean as I can get. Still, the rooster may get his revenge in my psyche, a la Aornis Hades in the Thursday Next series. I'm not soon going to forget it...

All the same, I think I'll stick to tzedekah next year.

The Tonight Show... not airing Tonight... or probably ever

I walked to and from Universal CityWalk today, a walk I haven't done in a couple of months, since the day of the blackout, and I noticed that they were filming Jaywalking for The Tonight Show in which participants were asked to display an unusual talent. Having so many regrets in my life in not taking certain opportunities and my apparent lack of shame, I decided to try out an unusual talent. Well, as I told the producer it was unusual and a talent, anyway. I told him I forget important things but soak up trivia like a sponge. I particularly have a savant ability that, if given a topic, I can think of specific prooftexts in the Old Testament (aka Hebrew Bible, but nobody knows WTF I would have been talking about. I was wearing a tzahal shirt, I think they know I'm Jewish, though I balanced it out with douche-bag aviator sunglasses that I had purchased a couple of minutes earlier, as well as my ever-present iPod in jogging-mode). Needless to say, it's not a talent I get asked to perform at many parties.

This "talent" is probably the result of attending Junior Congregation, my grandfather quizzing me when ever I talked to him on the phone ("Snakes!" was one he used on me a couple of years ago, the same topic on which he was tested at his Rabbinical School interview by Louis Ginzberg. My answers to him, by the way, included: Garden of Eden, Aaron's staff in the court of Pharaoh, the plague of asps at Baal Peor and the copper snake used to cure it, later destroyed by King Hezekiah in his attempt to combat idolatry). I also read random minor prophets and later writings when bored on Shabbos afternoons in Jerusalem seeing as none of the shuls did mincha.

Anyway, the producer said "Leviticus 4:17". "Well", I told him, "I usually do it the other way around", but let's do this Jeopardy style: I I immediately shot back, "priestly sacrifices -- but that's a cop-out as the entire book is sacrifices. Wait, specifically it is about the inauguration of the desert Temple-thingy , The Tabernacle" possibly stuff about putting oil and blood on thumbs and big toes of the priests. (NOTE: Upon looking it up later, I was damn close: "4:17 "And the priest shall dip his finger in the blood, and sprinkle it seven times before the LORD, in front of the veil." -JPS).

Anyway, he said I was right. I asked him how he knew I was right. He said that he was at Bnai Mitzvah last year and this is the subject the kids were talking about. It also happens to be something, according to him, that was mentioned by Father Mulcahy on M*A*S*H. I didn't know whether to be more impressed that this guy knew this bit of trivia or the fact that someone would mention this passage on a sitcom. I had a long conversation with this producer, stepped in front of the microphone, and the PA asked me to sign a release form, though the producer said that he doesn't know what he could do with the footage. Much like parties, the American public just isn't interested in savant abilities to reference the Bible, though he wanted me to recall other things, such as episode titles of Dukes of Hazzard (to which I responded would be quite a feat seeing as I have never seen the show). So this probably will never see the light of day, though he did want me to come up with other ideas because he liked me. I have another unusual hobby of learning dead or diminished languages like Phonetician, Proto-Canaanite, Akkadian, Babylonian Aramaic, and Yiddish, but I decided that that was stupid so I didn't mention it.

A photograph of my exploits, as of press, can be found as the new image on my facebook profile which is the closest that this talent will probably make to appearing on media in the near future.

Roar, Zion, Roar!

Firstly, thank you everyone for the kind birthday greetings thus far.

I was handed a napkin at breakfast today by a fellow B'nai Mitzvah tutor and fellow Columbia Alumnus who happened to be in the Columbia University Marching Band back in the sixties. Inscribed on the napkin were controversial alternate lyrics to our alma mater's fight song that was previously sung by aformentioned scatter band in the aforementioned era. This is not the version about "a whore named Sally"; no, this is the wholesome era when engineers were able to study for their Orgo finals in peace. The vast majority of the bandies were Jews who were ardent Zionists which would explain the lyrics. For the first time on the internet (at least anything that can be googled) I present the lyrics of Roar Zion Roar:
(to the tune of Roar, Lion, Roar! (these lyrics begin in the middle, during the chorus), the Columbia University Fight Song)

Roar, Zion, Roar!
And wake the echoes of the Jordan Valley
Fight on for Israel ever more
While the sons of all the prophets rally round
Jerusalem!
Jerusalem!
Shouting her name (in Yiddish!)
Roar, Zion, Roar --
And show the Arabs what a God is for!


Okay, so they still knew how to piss people off without an Orgo Night. By the way, I just saw a blog entry which puts Columbia's fight song as fifth best in the nation. I've always liked our fight song.

Israeli Pro-Wrestling

I stumbled upon a website today about an organization known as the IPWA, the Israeli Professional Wrestling Association, known in Hebrew as Makkat HaMedinah, the National Plague What a great wrestling gimmick: The Shaheed (Translated variously as Martyr or Homicide Bomber) faces off against the Tur-toting Rabbi. How about a Mossadnik beating the bejesus out of a Shabak agent, finally settling the debate on what is Israel's supreme intelligence agency. Click the thumbnail on the left to see the 14 pictures enlarged . It looks like a combination WWE and the characters in Shirat HaSticker ("The Sticker Song")by HaDag Nachash ("Snakefish"). I literally LOL'd. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Apparently the Rabbi uses an etrog as a weapon. I don't want to know what the Hamas Suicide Bomber uses...

ARTICLE: Temple weeds out 'Tree of Life'

Sorry, couldn't resist the cover story from Tuesday's Los Angeles Daily News, something that so ties into the class I took at Columbia with Professor Jonathan Schorsch, Religious Halucinography. Additionally, this article is the subject of the top video of the day on the same website, I don't know how long the link will exist (it's streaming), but check it out for now here

Temple weeds out 'Tree of Life'

Congregation of Christians, Jews uses marijuana for religious 'sacrament'

BY BRAD A. GREENBERG, Staff Writer LA Daily News

Article Last Updated:02/26/2007 11:50:07 PM PST

HOLLYWOOD - The Rev. Craig X Rubin read aloud a passage from 1 Kings as the sun set and his congregation prepared for the Sabbath. Flicking a lighter to the lone candle atop the podium, Rubin burned a bud of marijuana on the flame. He puffed it out, walked to each of the eight members sitting in the pews and waved the smoldering cannabis around them. This, Rubin proclaims, carries the prayers of Temple 420 to God. That's the God of Isaac and of Jesus, because members are Christians and Jews. That makes the congregation Rubin founded last summer unique. But what really sets it apart - and the reason Rubin will be in court Friday - is the temple's use of marijuana as a religious sacrament. "I am willing to preach the Bible and go to jail if it means getting my message out there," the 41-year-old Panorama City man said. And he knows how strange that sounds. "I'm a Jewish kid from Beverly Hills who went to UCLA. I could have been a lawyer making $250 an hour like the rest of my friends, or a TV producer. Instead, I'm teaching the Bible, selling weed on Hollywood Boulevard, facing seven years in jail - of course I'm crazy." The temple's problems actually began as a poisoning investigation performed by homicide detectives. One day last fall, a delivery driver and a security guard were given baked goods from Temple 420, said police spokesman Kevin Maiberger. Both became violently ill and almost died. No charges came of that, but a few weeks later, on Nov. 3, an undercover officer joined Temple 420. Five days later, at 4:20 p.m., police raided it. The temple's assets were seized, as were Rubin's. He, his 18-year-old son and another man were charged with one count each of selling or transporting marijuana and one count of possessing marijuana for sale. "They were trying to set it up under the guise of a religious right and then be able to sidestep marijuana laws," Maiberger said. "The deal was for a $100 initiation fee and $100 annual fee, you could buy all the pot you wanted for quote-unquote `religious purpose.' That's bull----." Rubin, however, continues to distribute marijuana six days a week to the temple's members - there are more than 400 who have paid the initiation and annual dues - for a "requested donation" of $60 for an eighth of an ounce. He continues to burn marijuana as a sacrament at Friday night services and preaches on the weekends - Old Testament on Saturdays, New Testament on Sundays, always at 4:20. His defense relies on his insistence that God wants people to enjoy cannabis - for recreation, religion and industry - and his belief that federal and state laws protect his religious practices. "It's not a laughable argument," said Eugene Volokh, a UCLA School of Law professor and religious freedom expert. "It's just an uphill argument." Temple 420 would need to demonstrate that its beliefs are sincere and that marijuana use is not the foundation of the religion but part of a broader ethical system, Volokh said. Also, the organization would need to prove that its practices don't come at the expense of a compelling government interest. "But it's not open and shut," Volokh said. In 1996, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that Rastafarians, who believe marijuana is a sacrament, could use federal law to defend their use of the drug, but not to defend distribution or possession with the intent to distribute. Last year, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that a small religious group in New Mexico could use a hallucinogenic drug in its services. Groups often opposed to each other - from the American Civil Liberties Union to the National Association of Evangelicals - had supported O Centro Espirita Beneficente Uniao do Vegetal in its defense against the government. But the federal Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993, cited in the Rasta and O Centro cases, doesn't apply at the state level, and that's where the charges against Rubin will be heard. California has not passed a law similar to the federal one, and the state Supreme Court has not clearly defined whether the state constitution provides greater religious protection than the First Amendment. And, of course, there are plenty of Temple 420 skeptics. "I would inherently be suspect ... of someone attempting to use the Bible as a justification of their desire to smoke marijuana," said Brad Dacus, founder and president of the Pacific Justice Institute, a legal defender of Christian values. "It's not unusual for people to try to use religion as a pretext for purposes of carrying out their pleasures." Temple 420's tenets stem from Rubin's Jewish childhood, conversion to Christianity and experience taking peyote in American-Indian sweat lodges. A pro-pot Republican partial to dark suits and red ties, Rubin hangs the American flag behind his podium and gushes about Ronald Reagan. He has been a marijuana activist since his days at UCLA in the early '90s. A "roper" - who believes hemp is a medicinal marvel and a panacea for fiber, food and fuel shortages - and a "doper," Rubin was dubbed "Hollywood's Wizard of Weed" by High Times magazine and was a consultant on Showtime's hit "Weeds" for two seasons. While undergoing a family crisis three years ago, Rubin began studying the Bible and, he claims, God revealed to him cannabis' status as the tree of life. Last year, after the Supreme Court ruled on O Centro, Rubin reasoned he could openly practice his new beliefs, which he describes as "Judeo-Christian" and "Bible based." In August, Scott Linden, a Pasadena attorney who has helped open several medical-marijuana dispensaries in the San Fernando Valley, filed paperwork with the Secretary of State's Office that registered Temple 420 as a religious corporation. The organization, however, did not file for tax-exempt status, said Franchise Tax Board spokesman Patrick Hill. Religious services began Aug. 26, and Craig Roberts, who added the X to his name after studying Malcolm X and changed his last name back to that of his Jewish grandfather, started going by "reverend." Rubin did not attended a seminary but was ordained in 1990 by the Universal Life Church, an interfaith organization that offers "Free Instant Online Ordination." "Using sacrament as a way to elevate my spirituality blew me out," said temple member Evan Goding, 29, of Orange, who drives to Hollywood each week with his Jewish girlfriend. "I was like, no way. It just clicked. It made so much sense. "I've always believed that the world as a whole would be better if most people would just try marijuana. It brings out the better in people. And I'm sorry it's not legal; I'm sorry I can't use it for my religious beliefs without being persecuted." Temple 420 is located in a strip mall at the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and La Brea Avenue, next door to an H&R Block and across the street from a Christian Science Church. Fifteen to 30 people stop by most days to pick up pot, said the cashier, who wouldn't give his name. Rubin gets his stash from the same guys who sell it to medical-marijuana dispensaries, but he charges about 20 percent less per eighth of an ounce. Income goes to pay salaries and support the temple, he said. He insists he turns away about half the people who try to join; new members must sign an agreement professing, among other things, that "the God of the Bible created cannabis ... for the healing of all nations." "There are six medical-marijuana clubs within walking distance of here," Rubin said. "If you're a liar, you don't need to come here. Pretend you are sick." But it is clear some of Temple 420's members aren't interested in the religious services. The sanctuary seats about 40. Some members have never attended. "For me, it was worth it," David Donahue, 37, of West Hollywood said of joining the temple. "If I didn't get it through him, I would get it through one of my friends' dealers - and I don't know anyone here. "Two hundred bucks, to some people, it's a lot. It's a lot to me, don't get me wrong. But we pay for convenience." brad.greenberg@dailynews.com (818) 713-3634

Razored heads and RAZR phones

Three skinheads in a pickup truck just tried to sell me a Razr phone for $10 as I was jogging to Whole Foods to shop for Shabbos. Freaky. Thank God I wasn't talking on my cell in Hebrew or Yiddish at the time as I commonly do. Actually, they may have mistaken the latter for German and maybe they would have sold it to me for $5. That was bizarre.

Shabbos beckons, time to shower.