I walked to and from Universal CityWalk today, a walk I haven't done in a couple of months, since the day of the blackout, and I noticed that they were filming Jaywalking for The Tonight Show in which participants were asked to display an unusual talent. Having so many regrets in my life in not taking certain opportunities and my apparent lack of shame, I decided to try out an unusual talent. Well, as I told the producer it was unusual and a talent, anyway. I told him I forget important things but soak up trivia like a sponge. I particularly have a savant ability that, if given a topic, I can think of specific prooftexts in the Old Testament (aka Hebrew Bible, but nobody knows WTF I would have been talking about. I was wearing a tzahal shirt, I think they know I'm Jewish, though I balanced it out with douche-bag aviator sunglasses that I had purchased a couple of minutes earlier, as well as my ever-present iPod in jogging-mode). Needless to say, it's not a talent I get asked to perform at many parties.
This "talent" is probably the result of attending Junior Congregation, my grandfather quizzing me when ever I talked to him on the phone ("Snakes!" was one he used on me a couple of years ago, the same topic on which he was tested at his Rabbinical School interview by Louis Ginzberg. My answers to him, by the way, included: Garden of Eden, Aaron's staff in the court of Pharaoh, the plague of asps at Baal Peor and the copper snake used to cure it, later destroyed by King Hezekiah in his attempt to combat idolatry). I also read random minor prophets and later writings when bored on Shabbos afternoons in Jerusalem seeing as none of the shuls did mincha.
Anyway, the producer said "Leviticus 4:17". "Well", I told him, "I usually do it the other way around", but let's do this Jeopardy style: I I immediately shot back, "priestly sacrifices -- but that's a cop-out as the entire book is sacrifices. Wait, specifically it is about the inauguration of the desert Temple-thingy , The Tabernacle" possibly stuff about putting oil and blood on thumbs and big toes of the priests. (NOTE: Upon looking it up later, I was damn close: "4:17 "And the priest shall dip his finger in the blood, and sprinkle it seven times before the LORD, in front of the veil." -JPS).
Anyway, he said I was right. I asked him how he knew I was right. He said that he was at Bnai Mitzvah last year and this is the subject the kids were talking about. It also happens to be something, according to him, that was mentioned by Father Mulcahy on M*A*S*H. I didn't know whether to be more impressed that this guy knew this bit of trivia or the fact that someone would mention this passage on a sitcom. I had a long conversation with this producer, stepped in front of the microphone, and the PA asked me to sign a release form, though the producer said that he doesn't know what he could do with the footage. Much like parties, the American public just isn't interested in savant abilities to reference the Bible, though he wanted me to recall other things, such as episode titles of Dukes of Hazzard (to which I responded would be quite a feat seeing as I have never seen the show). So this probably will never see the light of day, though he did want me to come up with other ideas because he liked me. I have another unusual hobby of learning dead or diminished languages like Phonetician, Proto-Canaanite, Akkadian, Babylonian Aramaic, and Yiddish, but I decided that that was stupid so I didn't mention it.
A photograph of my exploits, as of press, can be found as the new image on my facebook profile which is the closest that this talent will probably make to appearing on media in the near future.
Showing posts with label Entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Entertainment. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Summer of Sequels
Note: this article is a little dated, considering I started it a couple of weeks ago and only am recording it now. It is also a work in progress and I may update it.
With three days in a row of triple digit temperatures (though it has been recently replaced by an early June Gloom), it is time for the coolest place on earth, where you can get $5.99/hour air conditioning and a small popcorn for roughly the same price. I am, of course, referring to the sizzling summer movie season. I believe this to be the biggest movie season in decades; three to be exact. 30 years ago today, on May 25, 1977, moviegoers were given A New Hope as the original Star Wars movie was released. Then George Lucas decided to revive his trilogy with a prequel trilogy and screwed everything up. But this is the summer of good sequels...
I have to admit that I am a pretty positive reviewer and my grades skew toward the light side. There was only one movie I actually hated this summer, a movie with Chris Rock, something like "I Love My Wife" or something like that. Don't ask...
The summer started with Spiderman 3. I enjoyed it, maybe not as much as the first two, but I liked it. I fully expected it to beat the $150 million box office open. However, I am confident that it will be shattered, once again by...
Pirates of the Carribean. I predict $162 million opening this weekend, up $1 million from my estimate before I saw the movie last night, in an unending tug-of-war between the webswinger and the swashbuckler in box office openers. This has been, thusfar, the best movie I've seen this year. It leaves room for a sequel though they've closed most of the holes in the previous movie
And then we arrive at the third in my series of third movies of trilogies (3-3-3, which is three numbers, which makes four in a series of three): Shrek the Third. I have to say I was disappointed. It wasn't as fun as the previous two. Of the Part 3 movies I've reviewed, this has to rank with the third Godfather (ie: a decent movie but far far behind the significance of the previous two movies). SKG, Please don't release a fourth Shrek... That's as scary as the proposal to make THREE more Terminator movies, the original trilogy which also suffers from Godfather Syndrome.
I saw a sneak preview a month or so back of Knocked Up. This was one of the funniest and one of the sickest movies I've seen in a long time. This is from the creators of 40-Year-Old Virgin and is even better and raunchier than its predecessor.
I also took my cousins to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force. That was hilarious in a demented way, to the extreme. You will remember the advertisement campaign that got the city of Boston on high alert for terrorism? That was for this movie! If you don't watch the show then you probably shouldn't see the film. And if you pirate the film, well, then your child-making possibilities are going to be limited according to the film, so be careful.
Alright those are some of the movies I've seen so far. Now for the previews. The other movies I really am looking forward to, obviously are
The Simpsons Movie. I've waited almost my entire life for something like this. This will probably surpass the "Never Jumped" vote on JumpTheShark.com, but you never know. Remember that the South Park movie was very beneficial for the show and remains a cult classic. Speaking of which, I fear the plot of the Simpsons movie runs close to the South Park movie's plot. Nukes being launched due to something that has to do with the main characters? Sounds familiar. However, I do not want to know the plot because I'm sure whatever it is, I will laugh. I really like their "posters" in movie theater lobbies, which consist of a simpsons couch gag with a space for you to sit (though the Galleria has recently put up a sign asking you not to sit and why would anyone be carrying a camera in a movie theater. Instant trouble...)
I already know the plot, however, for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I will not get too far into this because I will, sometime in the next 7 weeks, post an entry about my theories on the final Potter book. I feel something will come out of this movie, something we have read but never visualized, that will give us an important clue for the seventh book. A picture is worth a thousand words. According to Wikipedia, HP5 is 255,000 words long. That means the movie is worth 255 million words. That is before the director makes cuts left and right, leaving it worth around 100 million words. I realize they have to cut things, and having listened to PotterCast and MuggleCast podcasts for the past year I know that they cut things that I would have loved to see, like "Weasley is Our King". Plus they are assigning more roles to Cho Chang. Enough spoiler. Go see it and then read the final book.
That's it for now. Shabbat Shalom.
With three days in a row of triple digit temperatures (though it has been recently replaced by an early June Gloom), it is time for the coolest place on earth, where you can get $5.99/hour air conditioning and a small popcorn for roughly the same price. I am, of course, referring to the sizzling summer movie season. I believe this to be the biggest movie season in decades; three to be exact. 30 years ago today, on May 25, 1977, moviegoers were given A New Hope as the original Star Wars movie was released. Then George Lucas decided to revive his trilogy with a prequel trilogy and screwed everything up. But this is the summer of good sequels...
I have to admit that I am a pretty positive reviewer and my grades skew toward the light side. There was only one movie I actually hated this summer, a movie with Chris Rock, something like "I Love My Wife" or something like that. Don't ask...
The summer started with Spiderman 3. I enjoyed it, maybe not as much as the first two, but I liked it. I fully expected it to beat the $150 million box office open. However, I am confident that it will be shattered, once again by...
Pirates of the Carribean. I predict $162 million opening this weekend, up $1 million from my estimate before I saw the movie last night, in an unending tug-of-war between the webswinger and the swashbuckler in box office openers. This has been, thusfar, the best movie I've seen this year. It leaves room for a sequel though they've closed most of the holes in the previous movie
And then we arrive at the third in my series of third movies of trilogies (3-3-3, which is three numbers, which makes four in a series of three): Shrek the Third. I have to say I was disappointed. It wasn't as fun as the previous two. Of the Part 3 movies I've reviewed, this has to rank with the third Godfather (ie: a decent movie but far far behind the significance of the previous two movies). SKG, Please don't release a fourth Shrek... That's as scary as the proposal to make THREE more Terminator movies, the original trilogy which also suffers from Godfather Syndrome.
I saw a sneak preview a month or so back of Knocked Up. This was one of the funniest and one of the sickest movies I've seen in a long time. This is from the creators of 40-Year-Old Virgin and is even better and raunchier than its predecessor.
I also took my cousins to see Aqua Teen Hunger Force. That was hilarious in a demented way, to the extreme. You will remember the advertisement campaign that got the city of Boston on high alert for terrorism? That was for this movie! If you don't watch the show then you probably shouldn't see the film. And if you pirate the film, well, then your child-making possibilities are going to be limited according to the film, so be careful.
Alright those are some of the movies I've seen so far. Now for the previews. The other movies I really am looking forward to, obviously are
The Simpsons Movie. I've waited almost my entire life for something like this. This will probably surpass the "Never Jumped" vote on JumpTheShark.com, but you never know. Remember that the South Park movie was very beneficial for the show and remains a cult classic. Speaking of which, I fear the plot of the Simpsons movie runs close to the South Park movie's plot. Nukes being launched due to something that has to do with the main characters? Sounds familiar. However, I do not want to know the plot because I'm sure whatever it is, I will laugh. I really like their "posters" in movie theater lobbies, which consist of a simpsons couch gag with a space for you to sit (though the Galleria has recently put up a sign asking you not to sit and why would anyone be carrying a camera in a movie theater. Instant trouble...)
I already know the plot, however, for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I will not get too far into this because I will, sometime in the next 7 weeks, post an entry about my theories on the final Potter book. I feel something will come out of this movie, something we have read but never visualized, that will give us an important clue for the seventh book. A picture is worth a thousand words. According to Wikipedia, HP5 is 255,000 words long. That means the movie is worth 255 million words. That is before the director makes cuts left and right, leaving it worth around 100 million words. I realize they have to cut things, and having listened to PotterCast and MuggleCast podcasts for the past year I know that they cut things that I would have loved to see, like "Weasley is Our King". Plus they are assigning more roles to Cho Chang. Enough spoiler. Go see it and then read the final book.
That's it for now. Shabbat Shalom.
Monday, May 07, 2007
Entourage takes on Yom Kippur
Emily Gold: You want me to lie‽Thus was super-agent Ari Gold forgiven by God on last night's episode of Entourage, "Return of the King". This is over-the-top perversion of the actual meaning of Yom Kippur and yet it is a belief of many that the forgiveness of Yom Kippur is automatic.
Ari Gold: That is the beauty of Yom Kippur, as long as you apologize before sundown it doesn't matter what you do!
There has been a recent trend in television, particularly on HBO, to lampoon and trivialize Judaism's most sacred traditions, such as Yom Kippur services and the Passover Seder... And I couldn't be happier. It happens that it has come in vogue to use Jewish humor, usually in the form of the "self-hating" Jew. It indicates that Jews and Judaism have become a hallmark in the highest indication of societal acceptance: the American sitcom.
Take, for example, the aforementioned episode of Entourage. An Orthodox Jew complains of the "Half-Church Reform Temple down the street" and the non-Jewish main characters drink before ten AM because today is a holiday. "Which holiday?" "Yom Kippur!". The second season episode, "The Bat Mitzvah" portrayed a Jewish party that was "too much bar and not enough mitzvah"
My favorite uses of jokes at the expense of the Chosen People include Seinfeld-creator Larry David's Curb Your Enthusiasm,. This is especially juicy due to the fact that he is married to a WASP and his wife's family fails to understand Judaism (though Larry perverts his own religion as well). Episodes such as "The Seder", "The Survivor", and many others expose Judaism at its most ridiculous.
The most gratuitous and incredibly obscure Hebrew-humor comes from the Comedy Central cartoon/"reality show", Drawn Together. It contained in-Jokes that were too inside for most Jews to even get. Wooldoor Sockbat (who turns out to not even be Jewish) kills himself and his epitaph is given as something like "5751-now", a reference to the Jewish anno-mundi calendar. Captain Hero calls his mother Eema, the Hebrew word (actually a lend-word from Aramaic, but most Jews don't know that) for mother, properly pluralizing it as Eemahot. Jewish jokes abound; you'll probably find at least a dozen per episode.
How can I forget Borat, created by religious Jew Sacha Baron Cohen who exposes the anti-semitic sentiments of ignoramuses in both Great Britain and the United States.
Family Guy takes a few harsh and perhaps tasteless jabs at Judaism: in its pilot it crosses the line by having a chip-eating Peter Griffin exposing the hiding place of Anne Frank AND forces a religious Jewish High School student to "take off that damn hat" when he replaces the yarmulke on his head. "When You Wish Upon a Weinstein" is an episode previously banned from television, a notorious act by FOX. This, however, seems to be the one show that doesn't really do its research and the dreydl and menorah is riddled with errors. Very funny though...
And then there is The Simpsons ("I know Weinstein's parents were upset, Superintendent, but I was sure it was a phony excuse. I mean, it sounds so made up: 'Yahm Kip-Pur'.") . My friends and I in college had a game where we would try to find at least one Jewish Joke in each episode as it first aired. There were a few episodes that expose the bottom line: that humor and Judaism go hand-in-hand. In "Like Father, Like Clown" Bart makes numerous attempts to reconcile a hard-line rabbinic father with his estranged clown of a son Krusty the Clown (a fuller account can be found in "The Simpsons Talmud" made by apparently fellow List alum Noah Gradowsky). Bart paraphrases Taanit 22a and says that the Messianic Redemption will be brought through the jesters. I believe it to be a method of our survival that we have also been known as the most self-depreciating people on the planet. Without humor there could be no joy, something deficient since the destruction of the Temple, and therefore this reference to the Messianic age being brought on by a clown is appropriate.
May it come soon and may it be very funny.
Monday, February 26, 2007
Naked golden men carrying swords
By now you've probably considered my use of inverted euphamisms and the fact that I am referring to the Oscar statuette. I am away from televisions and am not checking the internet for results (I am tivoing it) and now present my predictions (read: preferences) for Oscar wins, noting that I haven't seen most of the movies and have an agenda. These categories, for the most part, are written in the order of the PDF ballot on Oscar.com
Leading Actor: although I loved Forrest Whitaker on ER until he shot his brains out, I have to give this one to Leonardo DiCaprio--BLOOD DIAMOND who continues to impress FORREST has an oscar, now let's give him an Emmy for guest star on ER.
Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy -- DREAMGIRLS, you mean he can do semi-serious roles along with comedic? Really, he was amazing in this movie which was truly snubbed for best picture WRONG!
Leading Actress: Although I haven't seen it, everyone is raving about Helen Mirren who plays THE QUEEN in THE QUEEN. Long live THE QUEEN!
Supporting Access:And I am telling you: Jennifer Hudson -- DREAMGIRLS. Take that Simon Cowell! CORRECT! I told you. Some of the Idol winners may have record deals, but none have Oscar gold
Animated Feature: Tough one. Although Happy Feet impressed at the box office, I think a lot of it was because of the release of the Harry Potter Trailer, but still boffo. I really liked CARS WRONG, Should have bet on the other horse, um, penguin
Art Direction, Costume Design, Sound Mixing: DREAMGIRLS
ART: The Academy PANS my suggestion
COSTUME: Marie Antoinette won; let them eat their cake for now
Cinematography: Don't care, let's say... The Illusionists... Rats, I was thinking of PAN'S LABYRINTH... along with everything else because I really don't
Directing: LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA. I was at a screening of this at the WB Studios introduced by Stephen Spielberg. One of the finest movies I've ever seen and the directing must have been very difficult, and so this movie earns it. DEPARTED. Missed it again. Guess I should have ignored the THE.
Documentary Feature: President Gore (sic) will provide a very uncharismatic acceptance speech for AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH. Although many of these are popular with the Democrats (aka: voting Academy members), AIT is the one that has made the biggest cultural impact. CORRECT, and kudos to the Veep on his performance with Leo at the dais.
Documentary Short: The Blood of Yingzhou District? CORRECT, but was it really worth it?
Film Editing: Blood Diamond? Why didn't I even notice THE DEPARTED in many of these categories. I would have picked them as sweeps if I hadn't blown through the minor ones
Foreign Language Film: Since after "A Beautiful Life" I have taken stabs in the dark at this category: Water? Was wrong, don't care about this one either
Makeup: I can't stand the flagrant anti-semite, but he's gonna walk away with some Nazi gold... APOCALYPTO is going to get it or else Mel is going to ask the academy "You're Jewish, right?"... A blessing and a curse, Mel doesn't get it because the Jews in Hollywood have something against him...
Original Score: I'm assuming THE QUEEN had a good original score. What's with this BABEL?
Original Song. There is a 3/5 chance that something from Dreamgirls will win, so I am giving my vote to "Listen" from the DREAMGIRLS soundtrack INCONVENIENT TRUTH? You're kidding me!
BEST PICTURE: Borat and Dreamgirls got snubbed! Yet this makes my choice much easier. Letters from Iwo Jima was great, but I just noticed The Departed on my scorecard. What to choose... I just watched the Departed a few days ago for the first time. Iwo Jima and Departed are bloody brilliant and just plain bloody, but the star-studded cast of Departed puts it over the top. THE DEPARTED gets top honors this year. We DEPART with a win.
Short Film Animated: Don't care: Maestro? Was wrong, still don't care
Short Film Live Action:
Leading Actor: although I loved Forrest Whitaker on ER until he shot his brains out, I have to give this one to Leonardo DiCaprio--BLOOD DIAMOND who continues to impress FORREST has an oscar, now let's give him an Emmy for guest star on ER.
Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy -- DREAMGIRLS, you mean he can do semi-serious roles along with comedic? Really, he was amazing in this movie which was truly snubbed for best picture WRONG!
Leading Actress: Although I haven't seen it, everyone is raving about Helen Mirren who plays THE QUEEN in THE QUEEN. Long live THE QUEEN!
Supporting Access:And I am telling you: Jennifer Hudson -- DREAMGIRLS. Take that Simon Cowell! CORRECT! I told you. Some of the Idol winners may have record deals, but none have Oscar gold
Animated Feature: Tough one. Although Happy Feet impressed at the box office, I think a lot of it was because of the release of the Harry Potter Trailer, but still boffo. I really liked CARS WRONG, Should have bet on the other horse, um, penguin
Art Direction, Costume Design, Sound Mixing: DREAMGIRLS
ART: The Academy PANS my suggestion
COSTUME: Marie Antoinette won; let them eat their cake for now
Cinematography: Don't care, let's say... The Illusionists... Rats, I was thinking of PAN'S LABYRINTH... along with everything else because I really don't
Directing: LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA. I was at a screening of this at the WB Studios introduced by Stephen Spielberg. One of the finest movies I've ever seen and the directing must have been very difficult, and so this movie earns it. DEPARTED. Missed it again. Guess I should have ignored the THE.
Documentary Feature: President Gore (sic) will provide a very uncharismatic acceptance speech for AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH. Although many of these are popular with the Democrats (aka: voting Academy members), AIT is the one that has made the biggest cultural impact. CORRECT, and kudos to the Veep on his performance with Leo at the dais.
Documentary Short: The Blood of Yingzhou District? CORRECT, but was it really worth it?
Film Editing: Blood Diamond? Why didn't I even notice THE DEPARTED in many of these categories. I would have picked them as sweeps if I hadn't blown through the minor ones
Foreign Language Film: Since after "A Beautiful Life" I have taken stabs in the dark at this category: Water? Was wrong, don't care about this one either
Makeup: I can't stand the flagrant anti-semite, but he's gonna walk away with some Nazi gold... APOCALYPTO is going to get it or else Mel is going to ask the academy "You're Jewish, right?"... A blessing and a curse, Mel doesn't get it because the Jews in Hollywood have something against him...
Original Score: I'm assuming THE QUEEN had a good original score. What's with this BABEL?
Original Song. There is a 3/5 chance that something from Dreamgirls will win, so I am giving my vote to "Listen" from the DREAMGIRLS soundtrack INCONVENIENT TRUTH? You're kidding me!
BEST PICTURE: Borat and Dreamgirls got snubbed! Yet this makes my choice much easier. Letters from Iwo Jima was great, but I just noticed The Departed on my scorecard. What to choose... I just watched the Departed a few days ago for the first time. Iwo Jima and Departed are bloody brilliant and just plain bloody, but the star-studded cast of Departed puts it over the top. THE DEPARTED gets top honors this year. We DEPART with a win.
Short Film Animated: Don't care: Maestro? Was wrong, still don't care
Short Film Live Action:
West Bank Story is a musical comedy about David, an Israeli
soldier, and Fatima, a Palestinian fast food cashier - an unlikely couple who fall in love amidst the animosity of their families' dueling falafel stands in the West Bank.
Tensions mount when the Kosher King's new pastry machine juts onto
Hummus Hut property. The Palestinians ruin the machine and the Israelis
respond by building a wall between the two eating establishments.
The couple professes their love for each other, triggering a chain of events that
destroys both restaurants and forces all to find common ground in an effort to
rebuild, planting a seed of hope.
How could you NOT vote for that. WEST BANK STORY for the sheer Israeliness of the plot! CORRECT! Maybe there is hope for peace yet.
Sound Editing, Visual Effects: PIRATES II broke all the records. It needs Oscar gold from SOME category... ' SOUND: Well at least LETTERS won something VISUAL: CORRECT!
Sound Mixing: I'm giving this to DREAMGIRLS; More appropriate for this category for a musical CORRECTAMUNDO!
Screenplay--Adapted : I'm giving this to BORAT because how could you refuse him, he's so cute, let's expose our racist tendencies to this slav with the camera! Well, THE DEPARTED, I like. You like? How did I not notice this. I would have totally chosen it had I noticed
Screenplay Original: Close it up with another golden-boy for LETTERS. Little Miss Sunshine. My Mom TiVoed this on HBO for me and I am yet to go to their house to watch it
That's the show
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