DVAR TORAH S2: Vayishlach (Reality bites)

To my international readers, I apologize in advance to the esotericity of the comparison I'm about to make.

Estranged and uncomfortable family reunions, busy and annoying travel days, praying nothing is going to go horribly wrong, wrestling through the night, trying to impress/intimidate/appease relatives, a rush for gifts, your father pissed off at you for making him look bad/sleeping with his concubine/slaughtering the newly-circumcised citizens of Shechem for abducting and raping your sister/getting your tongue pierced, telling your sister she looks like a prostitute, and doubtful historical veracity; this can only mean two things: Vayishlach and Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow happens to be the all-American holiday of Thanksgiving, a holiday where we, today, celebrate reunion with family and, more likely, mere toleration of one another. Could we have hoped for anything more from Jacob and Esau?

Sure Esau tried to bite Jacob instead of kissing him as I mentioned in last year's Dvar Torah on this Parasha. When I delivered my senior sermon in high school on this very portion seven years ago (damn...), my research into Midrash also indicated that Esau was the one whom Jacob wrestled for the blessing.

Family fighting is synonymous with the holiday of Thanksgiving. One of my favorite comedians Lewis Black once ranted long ago on the Daily Show (way back in the Craig Kilborn era) about this holiday, its effect on diets and the fact that instead of killing your family you eat their weight in food. Thank God Esau was able to hold back, even though he did try and nibble on his twin brother a little bit...

In other news, An anagram I just discovered: Neilah = Inhale. I'm sure a great Dvar Torah can be made on the topic, but now is not the time...

May your Thanksgiving be peaceful and may you more than tolerate your family.

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayetze (The Power of Love)

What have you done for love? What would be your upper limit for what you would do or attempt to do for love?

Perhaps the most ignored part of this Torah portion is an event at the well. A heavy rock was blocking the well that required a team of men to unseal. Jacob, once he lays first sight on his beshert, Rachel, summons superhuman strength and hurls off the boulder himself. Normal people don't do this; only people who are completely smitten would attempt such a backbreaking (literally) dare-devil like act. This is just the first of many things he does for love. Do I have to mention the fourteen years he works to have the opportunity to marry Rachel. The first seven years he toiled for his cousin Laban went by like a week (this according to the Torah Pshat!) The time flew for him when he knew the reward would be the unending love of Rachel. He took Laban's subsequent trick with stride and his second seven years lasted about half a verse. Even when Rachel was unable to bear children whereas Leah was a baby factory, Jacob still loved Rachel more.

We have all made sacrifices and done stupid things for love, but let Jacob be our patron saint, per se, for ultimate love.

DVAR TORAH S2: Toldot (Trick For Treat)

First of all, this is awesome (from bangitout.com)

Top Ten Mashgiach Pickup Lines
(in honor of KosherFest this Sunday/Monday at the Javits Center in NYC)

10. You've got all the kosher ingredients I need.

9. Put you near any pilot-light and you'll turn it on.

8. I'd be on your premises at all times.

7. This restaurant just lost its hashgacha, care to lose yours?

6. You are so hot - yad soledes bo!

5. You are 1 in a 60th.

4. Just like Basar v'Chalav (meat/milk), opposites attract.

3. You must have special powers? cause you give me extra super vision

2. You're a major Kashrut violation, everytime look at you, all i can think about is treifus

1. What's your hashgacha (sign)?

Last night I showed a movie from my Israeli DVD collection, Chagiga B'Snooker. It is considered by many to be the funniest movie ever produced in Israel (an interesting review can be found here). A major part of the plot involves pool-shark and con-artist Gavriel posing as his religious twin brother Azrael in order to trick a Rabbi so his brother will marry his daughter. In fact this motif (and many of the specific gags) is almost identical to another legendary Israeli comedy: Kuni Lemel b'Tel Aviv. I'm sure there are many other Israeli movies like this and there are a bunch of American movies too: The Parent Trap and her remakes and any movie with the Olsen Twins is certain to have mistaken identity with twins.

This is hardly a new storyline. The original writer of the archetype: God (or according to some J and E). Jacob and Esau (a different J & E, though I didn't think of this before I put in the previous line) are definitely not identical, but similar enough that Jacob can trick his father Isaac into blessing him in a case of mistaken identity and trickery. Apparently people find this funny because so many comedy movies have adapted the theme. Who said the Bible wasn't hip and couldn't speak to the youth of today? Who ever thought Lindsay Lohan would debut in a movie based on the Bible?

Candlelighting is about to begin so I will have to put this on hold until after Shabbos...

Instant Replay in Baseball a possibility...

I've been advocating instant replay in baseball for years. Yeah, it might make gameplay longer and more tedious, but seeing as most bad calls tend to be against the Dodgers, I am all for a system to overturn the calls. I notice however that omitted is the "out-versus-safe" calls. This is the one that is most frequently messed up. Umpires aren't perfect. I should know; I've been one. You miss/screw-up calls. A game shouldn't hinge on a screwed-up call.

Baseball general managers recommend that instant replay be used

They vote to use it on boundary calls and home run calls but not on plays in the field or balls and strikes. Owners, players and umpires will need to approve the initiative.

From the Associated Press
11:30 AM PST, November 6, 2007

ORLANDO, Fla. -- For the first time, baseball general managers recommended today that instant replay be used to help umpires make difficult decisions.

The recommendation, by a 25-5 vote, was limited to boundary calls -- whether potential home runs are fair or foul, whether balls go over fences or hit the top and bounce back, and whether fans interfere with possible homers.

Softening stance

click to enlarge

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig opposes the use of replays but said last month he was willing to let GMs examine the issue.

"I don't like instant replay because I don't like all the delays. I think it sometimes creates as many problems or more than it solves," Selig said then.

But Jimmie Lee Solomon, an executive vice president in the commissioner's office, thinks Selig's stance has changed a bit recently.

"He seemed to be softer, at least on the consideration of the subject," Solomon said Tuesday.

He added it was unclear how the proposal will proceed and acknowledged there is "glacier-like movement in baseball" when it comes to innovation. Solomon said if Selig is willing, the commissioner probably would run the idea by owners. The plan needs approval from the players' association and umpires.

Solomon said GMs favored having a Major League Baseball official in a central place with access to all camera angles. If there is a disputed call, that official would be contacted and would view the television replay to make a decision.

"We have a very technologically savvy group of GMs," Solomon said. "I was surprised that we had five teams that said no."

Solomon also said that to speed up games, baseball was considering limiting the number of times a hitter could step out of the batter's box during an at-bat and the number of times any player could visit the mound.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-replay7nov07,1,7348280,print.story

The Internet is really really great... for Facebook!

From Time Magazine:


Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2007

Facebook: More Popular Than Porn

By Bill Tancer

When I wrote last week's column comparing the social-networking sites MySpace and Facebook, I included a line after my signature stating that I had only 124 friends on Facebook, and urged readers to add me as their friends. As of today I have 261 new Facebook friends, the majority of which are Generation Y college students.

I turned to Hitwise data to find out more about them. By examining which websites social-network users visit after logging into their profiles, we can gain a bit of insight into how sites like Facebook fit into their members' daily online lives. The data showed that after other social networks, the most clicked-on category of sites was search engines, with 11.6% of all downstream visits. Web-based e-mail services were next with 8.5%. Blogs came in third in popularity at 6.1%, claiming more than four times the number of visits to traditional news sites, which logged 1.5% of downstream visits.

Perhaps a more interesting — and more accurate — way to figure out where college students are going online is to assess which of the 172 web categories tracked by Hitwise get the most hits from 18- to 24-year-olds. Here's a shocker: Porn is not No. 1. I've actually been puzzled by the decrease in visits to the Adult Entertainment category over the last two years. Visits to porn sites have dropped from 16.9% of all site visits in the U.S. in October 2005 to 11.9% as of last week, a 33% decline. Currently, for web users over the age of 25, Adult Entertainment still ranks high in popularity, coming in second, after search engines. Not so for 18- to 24-year-olds, for whom social networks rank first, followed by search engines, then web-based e-mail — with porn sites lagging behind in fourth. If you chart the rate of visits to social-networking sites against those to adult sites over the last two years, there appears to be a strong negative correlation (i.e., visits to social networks go up as visits to adult sites go down). It's a leap to say there's a real correlation there, but if there is one, then I'd bet it has everything to do with Gen Y's changing habits: they're too busy chatting with friends to look at online skin. Imagine.

This reshaped online landscape leaves me feeling old and out of the loop. It seems that social-networking sites have not only usurped porn in popularity, but they've also gobbled up time Gen Y-ers used to spend on traditional e-mail and IM. When you can reach all of your friends through Facebook or MySpace, there's little reason to spend time in your old-school inbox. So, if social networking is becoming e-mail 2.0, then perhaps Microsoft's recent $240 million dollar payout for such a small stake in Facebook isn't that ridiculous.

The reality is that Facebook isn't just for kids. Last week — and this was a highlight — my dad, who just turned 75, added me as a friend on Facebook. I considered sending him a virtual beer to celebrate the occasion, but I didn't think either of us would see the point. Back in my day, we drank beers out of bottles and cans — we didn't have these new-fangled virtual beers. But, then again, I think that's something I probably still have in common with the younger generation, something I don't need Hitwise data to back up: the love of a good old-fashioned beer.

Let the messages roll in.

Bill Tancer is general manger of global research at Hitwise

(can be found at http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1678586,00.html)

DVAR TORAH S2: Chayei Sarah (Meester Eesaak! Meester Eesaak! Save the Isaac, save the world)

We now reach the transition between the stories of Abraham and Jacob. But wait, what about Isaac? Isaac gets very few verses that are about him and that do not either relate to his father or his son. Just to present an analogy as SAT season hits critical mass: Shavuot/Hanukkah:Talmudic mention of Festivals::Isaac:Patriarchs. The Talmud only has a page in a half about Hanukkah and practically nothing about Shavuot whereas Sukkot and Pesach have entire tractates dedicated to them.

In his biggest story he isn't even the main-character. Isaac is a key player, unwilling and unwitting though he is (debatable) in one of the most infamous stories in History: His sacrifice. I mentioned last week the Akedah, and Isaac's pseudonym in poetic literature as HaBen HaNe'ekad, The Bound Son. This is what people remember about Isaac, helpless and tied to an altar.

His other "major" story is when he is tricked by his son Jacob into giving him the greater blessing. Now Issac is the decrepit, blind, and gullible old coot.

This week mentions the only part of the narrative that is somewhat in his court, when Sarah dies and Abraham sends Eliezer his Damascan servant to find a wife for Isaac. In this story, however, Eliezer is the one with the active role in finding the wife, not Isaac (and Eliezer even gets his own Shalshelet trop; check it out!)

Maybe the Torah doesn't give Isaac enough credit. However, I realized that Isaac does not need additional storyline. His silence may be more powerful than any words he could have spoken. The Akedah can be regarded as the most important event in Jewish history prior to the Exodus from Egypt. The Paytanim, the medieval poets pick up on this and assign to him the saving of the Jewish people through the grace of God. The most important part of the Selichot services of the High Holidays center on the recitation of a penitential poem known as the Akedah which appeals to God to save us for the sake of the young lad, Isaac, who was bound on the altar. Many Orthodox Jews recite the Torah verses of the account of the Akedah at the very beginning of morning services daily. Isaac has also been unfortunately the paradigm of the slaughtering of Jews throughout history, and the aforementioned liturgical additions were very likely in response to the Crusades when Jews were murdered, when the survivors poured their hearts out to God to save them as He saved Isaac as he was on the verge of being slaughtered. Finally a mysterious acronym that might be from a more familiar prayer, the very beginning of the Shacharit service of Shabbat, Festivals, and the High Holidays:

בְּפִי יְשָׁרִים תִּתְהַלָּל,

וּבְדִבְרֵי צַדִּיקִים תִּתְבָּרַךְ,

וּבִלְשׁוֹן חֲסִידִים תִּתְרוֹמָם,

וּבְקֶֽרֶב קְדוֹשִׁים תִּתְקַדָּשׁ.

Notice the acronym of how God will be praised? Those that praise him, ישרים, צדיקים, חסדים, קדוֹשים is an acronym of יצחק. Still not convinced? On the High Holidays, when both the birth of Isaac and the Binding of Isaac are the central stories presented in the Torah service (the Annunciation of his impending conception reportedly made a year before his birth on Rosh Hashannah), we reorganize the ways in which God is praised

בְּפִי יְשָׁרִים תִּתְרוֹמָם,

וּבְדִבְרֵי צַדִּיקִים תִּתְבָּרַךְ,

וּבִלְשׁוֹן חֲסִידִים תִּתְקַדָּשׁ,

וּבְקֶֽרֶב קְדוֹשִׁים תִּתְהַלָּל.

The codifiers of the liturgy reorganize the arrangement of the words to form the acronym רבקה, Rebecca, the wife of Isaac, to always dwell by her husband. Isaac may not possess the nickname of his father Abraham, Eitan, the Mighty One, but rather is the Ben HaNe'ekad, but not only bound to the altar in Jerusalem, but is tied to each and every Jewish person who identifies with his plight as their own. Just as God saved Isaac, so may He save us.

Shabbat Shalom.

Sound the foghorn!

If you live in the LA area, particularly the San Fernando Valley or Bel Air, you might have noticed the spooky fog we've had today. The Valley basin was covered with it this morning, I saw from my Bel Air vista. Around 5:15 PM the fog started coming in to Bel Air itself and has persisted ever since. It is a very strange fog, almost London-like. I don't remember seeing much evening fog in LA county in my 20 years I have spent in LA. Perhaps there is therefore symbolism in this fog

After all of these wildfires we finally get some beneficial weather. But perhaps there is another symbol being represented here. This fog, filled with precipitation, comes the very same day that the Dodgers picked up Joe Torre to be their manager. I'm sure you can come
"up with something about that, but I'm to tired to make the connection. I am both excited and slightly weirded out. Excited because... he's Joe Torre! Slightly weirded out because... he's Joe Torre! The former Yankees skipper is now a Dodger‽ I think that the Dodgers are quickly turning into the All-Century team but with the players past their prime. At the same time, I tzAhink Joe Torre has a great chance to turn around a ball club that is used to having great win streaks followed by even greater lose streak. And If we get A-Rod, our menagerie of future hall-of-famers will be complete. I'm not complaining, I'm excited to have such an interesting collection of players on one team, my team. What would Nomar and A-Rod talk about, formerly on the Red Sox and Yankees respectively)? Would Joe Torre hold anything against Nomar who, though was off the Red Sox earlier in the year when the Curse of the Bambino was broken, represents the Bane of his existence? Maybe I'm reading much too into this. This is going to be a fun season...

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayera ("Damnit Abraham, I'm a doctor... and God!")

So my last year's post was nominated for a Jewish blogging award so I need to clear the high bar with this one. For comparison see last year's entry:
Rabbinic Rambling: DVAR TORAH: Vayera (Abraham's Dysfunctional Family)

I'll be very brief as candlelighting is approaching (it is 5ish now). I think Isaac died. You might misconstrue what I said and think "duh, Isaac died after Jacob's sojourn in Haran". What I mean is that I think Isaac died during the Akeidah, during his binding to the altar. I have thought this a possibility for a while. I am now also inclined to think that certain influential ancient rabbis agree with my view. I realized that the Haftarah this week is about death of a child and his resurrection. It is my belief that there is a strong possibility Abraham did in fact sacrifice Isaac on the altar and that God resurrected him. The Torah says "you have not withheld your son from me". If Abraham didn't go through with it, then why would God say this to him? (Post-Shabbos Edit: I realized as I was leyning the Torah reading for the Akeidah that it mentions that Abraham left the mountain and rejoined his traveling companions. It mentions him in the singular and doesn't allude to Isaac... maybe he was still dead at this point...)

I think my view would lend a very different perspective on God, Abraham, Isaac (Post-Shabbos Edit: the flip side is who was Isaac who, whatever his young age, was probably much stronger than his elderly father to easily overpower him. He was carrying a significant amount of firewood... did filial dedication override the need to survive? Did he willfully allow his father to bind him to an altar, to actually kill him?) as well as the underpinnings of this being the Torah reading for the second day of Rosh Hashanah: Even if the righteous die, as does happen with everyone (thank you Kohelet for constantly reminding us of that) still there is resurrection both here and in the world to come.

Shabbat Shalom.

Dumbledore is gay, says JK Rowling

Holy crap!

The rumours are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay, Harry Potter author JK Rowling admitted.

Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall, New York.

After reading briefly from the final book, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, she took questions from audience members. She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love". "Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards.

"Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down". Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy".

"Oh, my God," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction."

Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore have already appeared in fan fiction.

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.

Rowling, finishing a brief Open Book Tour of the US, her first tour there since 2000, also said that she regarded her Potter books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and urged her fans to "question authority".

Not everyone likes her work, Rowling said, probably referring to Christian groups that have alleged the books promoted witchcraft. Her news about Dumbledore, she said, would give them one more reason.

http://www.thelondonpaper.com/cs/Satellite/london/breakingnews/article/1157245849929?packedargs=suffix%3DBreakingNews

DVAR TORAH S2: Lech Lecha (A Yoda like Yoda)

(translation: one who knows like Yoda)

This week's Torah portion should be very familiar... too familiar... to members of my Biblical Grammar class. We are taking apart chapters 12, 13, 15, 16, and on of Genesis and parsing each word for its grammatical construct, resulting in sever Yoda-like speech. Yoda was wise beyond his 900 some-odd years but spoke in sentences that didn't make sense in English. But Hebrew is not english.

"And afflicted He God Pharaoh affliction great and his house over the matter of Sarai wife of Abram. And he called, Pharaoh, to Abram and he said 'What is that you have done to me, why not did you tell me that your wife she is?'" (Genesis 12:17-18)

Fun stuff. "Lech lecha". "Go for yourself" Never thought you would translate it that way, did you?

Nothing much to say now in the limited time I have at this moment, but I will possibly update this later. Just a note that the facebook edition of this note will probably not reflect the potential updates so if you want to read it please click the link to the original post.

Shabbat Shalom

DVAR TORAH S2: Noach ("Enkidu said to Utnapishtin there's gonna be a floody floody!")

So I was thinking about poor Noach this past week as it is his Torah portion and thinking what it was like to spend an entire solar year on a massive enclosed (and incredibly humid considering the precipitation outside) structure with two or seven of any animal (depending on which version of the story you believe) that has ever existed. Well, I had a better thought during Shabbat, but it has since left my mind. Imagine being cooped up on an ark with smelly animals for an entire year. Noah was a patient zookeeper at sea.

Many religions, cultures and mythologies have in common flood stories. If you want to see a sampling check out this article on Wikipedia. Possibly the most famous, besides the Biblical story of Noah's flood is the Mesopotamian Epic of Gilgamesh. I don't want to get too into it as you can read it on your own, but I just want to point out the major difference in which these two societies, the Hebrew and the Mesopotamian, valued most. The Epic of Gilgamesh reads like a precursor to the Odyssey, the Lord of the Rings or something in between. Gilgamesh was chosen because he was the most powerful king of his age. Power seems to be the ultimate thing, and as for his goodness? Well, one of the things he tried to do was sleep with the bride at her wedding... to another person.
Noah, however, is described as finding favor in the eyes of God due to the fact that he was righteous in his generation. He may not have been the strongest, but he was in a generation of ultimate corruption and he himself was unable to be corrupted by them (I assume, but he also got completely hammered after he got off the boat and madness ensued so I'm not so sure). The point is, I would actually compare Gilgamesh to another character mentioned in this Torah portion and developed massively in Midrash: Nimrod, founding king of Babylon. He is known as the mightiest warrior of all time and the builder of the Tower of Babel. He also constantly oppresses a little boy named Abram, but perhaps we will get to that one next week... Just note that in modern slang, nimrod means a moron so take out of that what you will...

DVAR TORAH S2: Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah/Bereishit

My eyes have been opened! During the end of the Torah service today I realized something.

In today's Torah portion, the Torah of which we restarted yesterday, we read the account of Creation. God created humanity, in the form of Adam and Eve which he put in the Garden of Eden to till and to guard. He also placed within the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (read: not so good) and the Tree of Life, these being known as the Etz HaDaat Tov V'Ra and the Etz Chayim in the biblical Hebrew. After Adam and Eve sampled of the first tree, God expelled them from Eden lest they eat of the Tree of Life and live forever. Now why would God allow such dangerous items into His Garden? God Forbid that God was not able to foresee this happening! However what are these trees? I mentioned that I realized something at the end of the Torah service. We have something else we call the Etz Chayim, the Tree of Life, and that is Torah, that which we so recently celebrated by dancing, food, and Oh Lord, so many drinks. Prior to this we spent seven days feasting in huts, little gardens of earthly and heavenly delights before we replaced our sticks and lemons with Torah Scrolls for the next holiday.

Why would God place fiery chruvim there with fiery ever-turning swords to guard the path to the Tree of Life? I think that indeed the Torah is the Tree of Life there, something that indeed grants immortality, to both those sealed within its tomes and those that have held fast to it for over 3300 years. Adam and Eve gained knowledge, or the ability to learn, the easy way but were not ready to receive Torah. No, it took the experience of our forefathers and the centuries in Egyptian slavery for our ancestors to take claim of it. Back to the fiery angels, the angels tried to kill Moses, says a Midrash, when he ascended to heaven to retrieve the Torah, but God commanded Moses to cling to His Throne while Moses rebuffed the murderous angels and secured the Holy Torah to deliver to Israel.

My Rabbi said when he announced an Adult Bar Mitzvah class a few weeks back that the Torah means nothing and possesses no gifts if you are unable to read it and appreciate reading it. Israel, which treasures knowledge above most else was able to take possession of the Torah and forever expound upon it. Holding fast to it and never giving it up, that is our immortality.

Ahmadinejad is a Sukkah!

(Should be pronounced in the Mr. T pronounciation, not the impending holiday, though that's the reason I used said title)

So I have received maybe 200 e-mails in the past week and a half about Mahmud Ahmadinejad (first spellcheck suggestion in Firefox, BTW: "Shadiness"; how appropriate...). He came, on Monday, to my Alma Mater, Columbia University. Why does columbia continually do this? Anyway, I sent a number of e-mails to the VBS listserv this week and I want to share them with you. Note that I have not included other peoples' e-mails to protect their privacy so they might be out of context:

Sep 21, 2007 9:36 AM
	subject			Re: Ahmadinejad
	mailed-by			gmail.com

As an alumnus and as a member of LionPAC, Columbia's AIPAC arm, I want you to be assured that he's going to have a little welcoming committee when he comes. He was supposed to come speak last year but cancelled at the last minute. Perhaps he will rethink once again speaking on a campus on which a third of the students are Jewish and a good portion are Israelis.

Gmar Tov and a meaningful fast,
Matt

Sep 23, 2007 10:27 PM
	subject			Re: Ahmadinejad
	mailed-by			gmail.com

It's funny, in the last week I have gotten over 100 e-mails regarding the Ahmadinejad situation; the last 11 consecutive e-mails have had the word Ahmadinejad in the header. I have been invited to protests through the Columbia Political Union, Columbia/Barnard Hillel, AIPAC, IsraelCampusBeat, StandWithUsCampus, a chevruta (study partners) program I used to be affiliated with, and various students of Columbia, Barnard, and the Jewish Theological Seminary, as well as invitations to seminars about Iran and Ahmadinejad, and a friendly reminder from the Columbia Democrats to protest nicely.

I turned on FOX News this morning and it was the top story. Sure, Columbia is no stranger to controversy. On IsraelCampusBeat, which reports on Israel and Jewish-related "issues" on universities worldwide, there are usually at least two articles with the little blue Roary The Lion icon, signifying that there is yet another example of Israel getting somehow disparaged in a Columbia classroom/Anti-Iraq War protest, so it comes as no surprise to me that a campus which two years ago rejected the obvious academic intimidation perpetrated by anti-Israel and anti-Semitic (and when I say Semitic, I mean anti-Jewish, nobody ever refers to the other descendants of Shem by this moniker, so please don't counter with the semantics as Professor Hamid Dabashi did when he called a Jewish student with blue eyes "not Semitic") professors not allowing any pro-Israeli opinions within their classrooms. Indeed, nothing surprises me anymore about some of the enterprising (read: incredibly idiotic and embarrassing) programs which my fair Alma Mater and President Lee Bollinger comes up with.

So, yes it was stupid to invite the President of Iran, but at the same time it the opportunity of a lifetime to hear the Hitler of our times on our own home turf. I would not want to be the Jew in the crowd at a Nazi Rally in 1935 Berlin, but the fact is that Ahmadinijad is going to "Columbia JEWniversity of JEW York City" (as we so belovedly call it), where he will be preaching to a whole bunch of Jews. He's not going to win anyone over with his ranting propaganda. He's not in Tehran where they eat up his every anti-Semitic word, but in a room filled with headstrong intellectuals who won't take any of his crap. I just fear that he will be heckled as my fellow students heckled John Ashcroft a couple of years ago... that was just embarrassing.

Count on this not to end pretty. I cringe in advance.

Shana Tova,
Matt

Sep 24, 2007 6:11 PM
	subject			Re: Fw: Columbia President's Statement About President Ahmadinejad's Appearance
	mailed-by			gmail.com

Yes indeed, I am proud of President Bollinger who couldn't have handled it any better. As for the statement, it is actually much longer and much juicier. The transcript of his introduction can be found at http://www.columbia.edu/cu/news/07/09/lcbopeningremarks.html

One of the best lines: "Let's, then, be clear at the beginning, Mr. President you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator."

I found these other lines in an article on Breitbart: http://www.breitbart.com/article.php?id=070924225252.klmczhdo&show_article=1

"Why are you so afraid of Iranian citizens expressing their opinions for change?" he asked, challenging the leader of the Islamic republic to explain his comments downplaying the Holocaust.

"Frankly, in all candor Mr President, I doubt you will have the intellectual courage to answer these questions," he added.

"When you come to a place like this, this makes you quite simply ridiculous. You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated," he said.

The truth is that the Holocaust is the most documented event in human history." (as found on a Fox News Article http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,297823,00.html)

As for President Ahmadinejad, he once again proved himself a fool. "In Iran, we don't have homosexuals like in your country. We don't have that in our country. In Iran, we do not have this phenomenon. I don't know who has told you that we have it." He was evasive on the simplest of questions regarding his basest policies.

I am yet to watch the speech but I am currently instant messaging friends who saw it live so I will update you when I hear more. As of now, I feel good that my worst fears weren't realized -- that Columbians didn't make fools of the United States by heckling and not hearing him out, however stupid he sounds. And as for President Bollinger, I am proud of his ability to not sugarcoat (which I feared he would) but instead attacked where it hurts, even if Ahmadinejad was completely evasive or ridiculous at points. I don't think Iran's president expected it to go like this at all, broadsided as he was, and I think he will rethink how he talks to outside media in the future.

Matt

As of press I am both proud of and ashamed of Columbia. I am proud that President Bollinger broadsided the President of the Islamic Republic of Iran and made him look like a complete fool and liar. I am proud of the Hillel, LionPAC, and other groups and decent individuals who peacefully protested against the Hitler of today from the actual Aryan country (Aryan people originally migrated from Iran. However, I am ashamed and horrified that students cheered when Ahmadinejad called for the destruction of the State of Israel. Having attended Columbia for four and a half years I know that there is a lot of Israel-hating that goes on there. But cheering a murderous terrorist who calls on it's destruction?! I don't separate Anti-Israel and Anti-Semitism. Also self-hating Jews can also be anti-Semites. I consider members of the Jewish sect of Netueri Karta to be anti-Semites. I also consider former acquaintances who have fallen in with the socialist crowd and have become anti-Israel... well you can see why they are not current friends... The great irony in the socialist crowd is that the socialists seem to support the dictator-run countries while denouncing Israel, the only country in the world where socialism has remotely worked. The country was formed by socialists and social Zionism and the Kibbutz system is the best example of social communism at work. Not that I support communism or socialism, but I just find it funny that most of these socialists seem to support fascism over socialism.

Yom Tov is coming, but I don't think I'm done with this one. Gut Yontif and as we celebrate the festival in which we traditionally advocate for all of the other nations of the world, may I advocate that the residents of nations that are forcibly suppressed by evil dictators overthrow their captors. As it is written in the Uvchen prayers of the High Holidays which have just passed, "ki taavir mimshelet zadon min haaretz", "for You shall cause to be removed wicked governments from the world".

Gut Yontif.

DVAR TORAH S2: Sukkot (Jewish Thanksgiving)

On Win Ben Stein's Money, a show which I hugely loved a decade ago (during the Jimmy Kimmel era) a question was asked to the contestants (one of which I think was a redheaded Rabbi with a kippa) of "What is the Jewish Thanksgiving?" Even the Rabbi didn't get the answer: "Sukkot". The truth is that most of our holidays are of thanksgiving. Hallel is said on many of these occasions, sacrifices in the temple are designated as Thanksgiving Offerings, Al HaNisim is even said on the minor festivals, we have three Pilgrimage Festivals, any of which could be legitimately designated "Jewish Thanksgiving".

Yet I further pondered this and realized that Thanksgiving, viewed in the sense of American Thanksgiving, does most strongly parallel the Festival of Booths. For one, both are Harvest festivals. Yes, both Pesach and Shavuot are also Harvest festivals as well, but Sukkot is the only Fall Harvest holiday in Judaism, and therefore the produce is comparable. Both holidays celebrate survival in difficult conditions, the Pilgrim survival in harsh New England cold and the Israelite survival in the unbearable steppes of Sinai, and yet both claim divine providence. Both are celebrated by inviting guests to partake in a feast (and even if the Jews don't have physical guests, we invite seven biblical characters and invoke God's name in prayer; likewise traditional Thanksgiving observance includes opening prayers with biblical references). Both are holidays of selflessness. In the Holy Temple, 70 bulls were sacrificed on behalf of the 70 nations of the world. People are increasingly charitable leading up to Thanksgiving, and food drives are the order of the day. Centerpieces and decorations celebrating God's bountiful gifts further increase the beauty of the holiday tables, in the form of cornucopias and lulav/etrog, both also symbols of fertility, as well as hanging fruit usually of the plastic variety for both holidays.

Well, I'm convinced. Moadim L'Simcha and Happy Thanksgiving.

F'n Dodgers! (AKA 19th Annual Dem Bums)

Well, the Bums have done it again, and the Dodgers have once again turned a first place in the Major Leagues season into total crap, ending up in 4th place in NL West. My one consolation is at least we beat the San Francisco Giants. Well, better luck next year for the 20th annual jubilee without a World Series ring or even advancing in the playoffs to pennant contention (as last year: Chas V'Shalom)...

I guess dodgerblues.com is still in business...

DVAR TORAH: High Holidays 5768 (Teshuva: Phoning it in)

At least since last year there has been a unique way to gain forgiveness prior to Yom Kippur, a teshuva hotline operated by Stephen Colbert of the Colbert Report. The phone number has been variously given as 1 800-KLI-TZEDEK and 1-888-OOPS-JEW. I called the latter and left a message on the hotline, asking for forgiveness for missing the 11:30 PM (8:30 PM on East Coast Feed as I so often watch) show sometimes in attempts to be social; how selfish of me...

If only it were this easy, a one-ended confessional. With no offense to Mr. Colbert (whom I wish not to offend as I now have a clean slate with him). Teshuva is difficult. One really must lower and degrade themselves to ask forgiveness of another person. Ultimately it matters on our scorecard in a certain Book, but on earth it can be a serious blow to one's self-esteem and others' esteem of them to ask forgiveness of someone they may have wronged.

And yet, saying we are sorry is one of the ways the world doesn't devolve into utter primordeal chaos.

I just thought of a comparison to something which we do on the opposite side of the year, when we search for the Chometz, the bread crumbs which have filled our houses for the past year, as well as the rest of the Kashering procedures for Passover. It is an intense process that involves scalding, burning, dunking, feathering, and other strange gerunds (participles?) I could liken sin to bread crumbs. After a sin is committed/a piece of bread is eaten, they quickly spread and proliferate and at the appropriate time of the year we search and destroy, seeking out those sins and bread crumbs and resolving that in the future to be more careful to avoid offending another/to be more careful when eating bread. A note about the bread crumb thing -- apparently the Jews of medieval Europe widely avoided the Black Plague because they had clean homes and not the dirty and rat-infested homes and water-systems of the Christians, mainly because they annually fully cleaned their communities whereas for others the centuries of filth piled up. So getting on your hands and knees to clean the nooks and crannies of those damn bread crumbs or getting on your hands and knees to beg forgiveness of your fellow, are, yes, degrading, but can also save your very life.

May we be sealed in the Book of Life for a year of goodness, health, prosperity, merits, blessing and peace.

Rooster's Revenge

Alright, so now for the trauma, as I have promised. Disclaimer that this is not for the faint of heart. You have been warned.

Today I have performed a number of acts that should pretty much secure me in the Book of Life Category. I properly fasted the Fast of Gedaliah, not even experiencing hunger or thirst at its conclusion. I recited the selichot of aforementioned fast as well as that of the Ten Days of Repentence. I ascended Mount Sinai (the cemetery, not the mountain) to visit the graves of my grandparents, aleyhem ha'shalom, braving the two mile freeway backup (no joke) to get into the cemetery today (I guess people are dying to get in... (joke)) . I went to Lake Balboa and performed Tashlich, throwing my sins in the form of breadcrumbs into the living, albeit man-made waters. I had a chicken swung around my head.

Wait, what was that last one?!

I newly have Persian in-laws and it is considered a method of great mazel to the family to perform the ancient ritual of Kapparot, or as we Yiddishists prefer to refer to it, shluggin kapporus. This is probably the closest thing in modern Judaism to the Holy Temple, quite literally a sacrifice. This is also why I am mildly traumatized. I have never performed the ritual, at least never with a living creature, but always with money that I would then donate to charity. But I decided to tag along and so we went to Ohel Moshe in Pico-Robertson this morning and the Rabbi there elevated a rooster by under its wings (so as to not hurt it) over our heads, reciting a formula to transfer our sins onto the rooster. Something like "Though this rooster goes to its death may these people live long lives free of sin". Following this the guy turns aside, massages the neck of the bird, lulling it into a restful state, and takes a special rectangular knife and severed the juggular vein. This is also the first time I have ever experienced shechita. A messy business but that is the only way to have kosher food. The birds will be given, by the way, to poor families as food, thus killing two birds with one stone (pardon the pun), not only somehow ridding us of our sins, but as tzedekah so poor people can have a proper feast on the eve of Yom Kippur.

I must say, as traumatized as this will probably make me, It is also incredibly humbling. This rooster was put to death so that we could somehow be cleansed of our sins. Kinda makes you want to avoid sin at all costs. I finally have an appreciation for the Hebrew term "Yirat Chet" "Fear of Sin". Short of going to a mikvah (something I have yet to do in my life) and being sprinkled by the ashes of the red heifer (something anyone is yet to do in their life in the past 2000 years), I am squeaky clean as I can get. Still, the rooster may get his revenge in my psyche, a la Aornis Hades in the Thursday Next series. I'm not soon going to forget it...

All the same, I think I'll stick to tzedekah next year.

DVAR TORAH S2: Haazinu/Shabat Shuvah

This past week (yeah, I keep releasing these things ex post facto, sorry...) we read the short poetic Parasha known as Haazinu. This is a little disturbing, filled with Israel's impending rejection of God and God's subsequent justified hiding from the people. This has been pretty standard in the Torah but it is rarely written in this poetic a form. Why is it written as a poem? My rabbi and congregants brought up various ideas (which I don't remember due to severe exhaustion from Rosh Hashannah), but I think that it is that a poem is easier to remember than prose, something especially important in a society that is based on oral tradition rather than written histories. Moses probably felt that a poem would hit closer to home and would be more memorable with the dire warnings it gives to Israel, lest they fulfill the conditions leading to their abandonment by God. This Torah portion, and even moreso with the special Haftarah for Shabbat Shuvah, exhort us to do teshuvah, to turn from wicked paths and return to the Lord.

I'm still trying to process what happened today so will end here. I will write about this event in the near future.

G'mar Chatima Tova

DVAR TORAH S2: Nitzavim-Vayelech (lotsa dots)

This Shabbos we read the feel-good Torah portion of the summer, Nitzavim-Vayelech. It contains all the lines essential to make people feel all warm and fuzzy, that the Torah is in our hands, that which is revealed belongs to us, that those that disobey will be blotted out. Well, not so much that last one... but in this week's parasha we have a scribal oddity. Dots appear above key words in a sentence that basically translates (I'm not actually looking up the verse as I'm le tired) "the hidden things are for the Lord our God but that which is revealed is for us and our children forever". Lanu U'lvaneinu Ad Olam (bolded is the letters with dots). What can this possibly mean? I think it could be the method in which one sins: I pose the question of which is worse: a robber or a burglar. A robber steals in broad daylight and therefore shows no fear of other people. A burglar breaks in in the dead of night, fearing people but showing no fear of God. In this example the burglar is worse. The case of a sin is that God only concerns Himself with it if it is bottled inside but the truth shall set you free. In this time of Selichot (which is the reason I am exhausted as I just finished leading it) we are to confess our sins collectively with a formula. But to actually admit to people you have wrong you have sinned, that might help. It could also have serious repercussions but perhaps God ceases to hold it against you.

Conversely perhaps this line is about acquiring knowledge. Whether Torah or cures to diseases the potential is always there, waiting for discovery. Now it is in God's realm but, matter-of-factly, it enters our world once "discovered", leaving the other elements in God's Big Repository of Knowledge. This plays into the section that it is not in Heaven. The Torah has been given to us and now it is ours.

Like Moses I am going to take two tablets but will hit a rock Jacob-style (no, I'm not taking sleeping pills... the former is not true, though the latter meaning is that I'm going to sleep)

If I have wronged anyone in anyway I wholeheartedly apologize. I know that a blog entry doesn't sound sincere for something like that, but in the thousands of unique hits I have received in the last year I can't contact anybody. Well, the sins are out in the open through this confession, right?

Shana Tova,

Matt

DVAR TORAH S2: Ki Tavo (10% Off!)

Ki Tavo contains some of the least famous words of the most observed holiday: Arami Oved Avi. It also contains the laws of tithing. Let's take a look for a moment at the Jewish calendaring system. One way years are grouped are in cycles of seven, that every seventh year is the Sabbatical year. On the other six years we are commanded to give certain tithes, tithe meaning one-tenth of our produce. On years 1, 2, 4, and 5 we are commanded to give to the Levite, our brothers who have not been assigned a portion in the land of Israel and are dependent on our kindness, an obligatory act known as Maaser Rishon. This is in addition to Trumah, the giving of our produce to a Kohen. On the third and sixth years, the latter of which is the year we are currently ending, we are commanded to give Maaser Sheni, also known as Maaser Oni, Tithe to the Poor. Ten percent of all we make is to go t0 the poor, the widow, the orphan, the stranger. Even the poorest person had to give ten percent. How does this work today?

This week in Rabbinical School orientation we studied the social contract an ancient king had with his subjects. The king is described as "great", "awesome" "mighty" "powerful". The king would then follow this with "therefore he has absolute power of life and death over you". This is true of God, the King of kings of kings, but God's description continues instead with "defender of orphans, champion of widows, maker of justice and righteousness". The wealthy must not be satiated just by his wealth, but must literally share the wealth. For so as long as there are hungry people in Israel we cannot stand idly by the blood of our neighbors. Give a hoot, give tzedekah.