DVAR TORAH S2: Vayakel/Pekudei/Shabbat HaChodesh (the most successful synagogue appeal ever)

As my synagogue is beginning a campaign to raise a staggering $25 million to renovate the main sanctuary, two social halls, the school buildings, and the parking lot I find these Torah Portions very ironic. Moses is told by God to make an appeal to the "wise-hearted" people to bring in donations to build the Mishkan, the Tabernacle which will serve as a portable precursor to the Temple in Jerusalem. In the only time in history, the people bring TOO much and Moses is told to refuse any more donations. If only my synagogue had that tzurus...

But wait! Where did all of the gold, silver, precious stones, and fabrics come from? Weren't all of the spoils of Egypt destroyed in the account of the Golden Calf? Not exactly... While the men did donate all of their bling to the the construction of the baal idol, their wives refused. Much like their role in the celebration of crossing the Sea of Reeds, the women come into their own as the heroines in the story of the building of the Mishkan. Go Sisterhood!

Meanwhile two men are called out by name by God to undertake the daunting task of being the architects of this massive and holy building project: Betzalel ben Uri of the tribe of Judah and Oholiab ben Achisamach of the tribe of Dan serving as Chief and Assistant architects respectfully (also notably representing the largest and smallest tribes respectfully). I am fascinated by midrash that indicates that Moses has no idea how to visualize any of the components of the Mishkan and so God sends him fiery visions of each vessel but Betzalel and Oholiab don't need any assistance to form the objects. The beauty is that it takes a village. Even Moses cannot be self reliant. As a future rabbi I know I will not have all the answers, even with an Ivy League diploma. I will seek a doctor for medical stuff and a lawyer for civil law stuff. People can come to me for some of that old time religion, the spiritual stuff, but I will go to others for the subjects in which I don't specialize.

Meanwhile the special maftir. Biblically this next week we are supposed to celebrate the New Year in Judaism. I like the idea of spring being the beginning of a year because it indicates rebirth. Fall may be more appropriate for Rosh Hashannah because it involves the restarting of the agricultural cycle, but spring is the apex (except here in SoCal where the fruit trees have been in bloom for months and we have our fig growing season in the middle of the fall). Why do you think the rabbis call the mitzvah here "It shall be the first of months for you" as the most logical to begin the Torah?

Plus I love not having to say Tachanun for a month...

Shabbat HaChodesh Shalom!

DVAR TORAH S2: Ki Tisa/Shabbat Parah (Holy Cows! (I have probably used this one before, but I don't have time to check))

Gotta be quick now. I spent my day off walking/power-walking to Universal Studios and back; at least 20 miles total over a 5 hour period. I will probably make the mapmyrun soon and will likely post the "best-of" walks on this site in due course. Anyway, that takes away from my writing time and I decided to spend the majority of the few minutes I have before services (which at this time of year are an hour before Shabbat even starts; to change in two days witeh DST) on the "Triple Shin" required before Shabbat.

Quickly on the Torah Portion, and I must come back to it later as it is very important, this is one of the most important Portions in the Bible, that of the account of the Golden Calf as well as God and Moses' responses to the events. God seeks to destroy Israel and replace them with a nation of the descendants of Moses and Moses successfully changes the mind of God.

A couple of themes to think about over Shabbat, something I planned on teaching my class on Wednesday but we had a fire drill that screwed-up my timing:\

Aaron v. Hur: If you were in a dangerous situation where you had the option of either acceding to the depravity of the lynch mob though you know that it is wrong (and likely don't want to do it) or standing up against them and likely becoming a martyr when they assassinate you, which option do you choose? Hur condemned the people for ceasing their belief that Moses was alive and coming back after, by their count, 40+ days on the mountain and for contemplating building a statue to worship and for his trouble, according to the midrash, he was killed by a stoning mob. Aaron in response to this, fulfilled the mob's request to build the idol of the Golden Calf, though he knew it was wrong, perhaps to save himself. What would you do?

God's nature, anthropomorphisms, etc: Here we have the Thirteen Attributes of God, describing God's nature, as well as copious anthropomorphic references to God's Face, Back, Hand. What is your belief in God and if you believe, what is God's nature? Spirit? Body? Unknowable ("No man can see my face and live")?

Can one change God's Mind? Is it wise to try to do so? Ask Moses.

What's with that paradoxical Chok of the Parah Adumah, the Red Heifer? It makes pure those who are impure and makes impure those who are pure? King Solomon claimed even he couldn't figure this out? What do you make of it?

Have a peaceful and cow-filled Shabbat.

DVAR TORAH S2: Tetzaveh/Shabbat Zachor/PURIM! ("The World According to Garb")

I have already written five Divrei Torah for Purim so I will take a slightly different approach, weaving together the Parashah Tetzaveh, the special Shabbat of Zachor Et Asher Asa Amalek, and the holiday of Purim (and perhaps a little of Taanit Esther, but the original three day one that happened during Passover the year prior to the Original Purim and not the military fast that we actually commemorate the anniversary of nowadays).

This week's Torah portion, Tetzaveh, speaks of the costume of both the High Priest and the ordinary priest. It goes into excessive detail on the specifics of each piece of clothing, dye, metal to exact specifications of God. These uniforms are meant to identify these holy people and act as a conduit to God.

We don't give clothing enough credit for its importance. It has acted as a catylist device in many historical (read: biblical) events. Clothing, dictated through many changing fashions, comes to symbolize moods and elegance, beauty and care. This is very true in the story of Purim. Sackcloth (a wikipedia article that I must remember to edit) was the preferred form of clothing for mourning in the ancient times (I will be wearing a sack of rice for my megillah reading on Purim where Mordechai dons sackcloth). Mordechai, Esther, and all the Jews put on sackcloth during the three days of their fast to mourn the evil decree of genocide written against them by the wicked Haman. Mordechai is unable to access places he is usually able to enter due to his clothing choice, signifying that sackcloth is not considered acceptable in society. At the end of the three days, an unwashed and unfed Queen Esther removes her sackcloth (and ashes) washes herself and dons the most beautiful clothing and finds favor in the eyes of her husband the King.
Midrashically, Ahasuerus, at the seven day feast which followed the 180 day free-for-all, was dressed in the garb of the High Priest of despoiled Jerusalem, the pure gold of the Temple used for profane purposes by the Persian emperor. Mordechai is dressed in the King's coronation robes when led through the streets in a parade led by Haman, and in the end when Mordechai becomes the Prime Minister, when Mordechai was dressed in the blues, whites and purples, and the gold crown of his office, the Jews had light, joy, gladness, and honor.


I was watching Disney's Aladdin (not as much of a kids' movie as you might think) on the car ride back from Palm Springs and I saw a lot of similarities, beyond the Jafar=Haman thing. Aladdin hides his identity of being a street-rat by dressing as a gallant prince, much like Esther hides her identity from the King. Jafar disquises himself as a kindly old man to get Aladdin to do his bidding. Jasmine dresses in burlap robes to sneak out of the palace. Here too we have the parallels in clothing

So we have therefore arrived at the disguise part of the discussion. Clothing does not have to be literal. Amalek is cloaked in stealth and deceit when they attack the stragglers, the weak, the women, the children, and the elderly of Israel from behind. God's role in the story of Purim could also be thought of metaphorically clothing-related. God hides Himself under an invisibility cloak throughout the story, His Name or appellations not mentioned once in the book, but His name can be seen as acronyms multiple times throughout the scroll.

So today we hide our faces on Purim. Esther can be translated as "I will hide" in Hebrew. We hide on Purim just as Esther hid her identity, and just as God hid Himself from the proceedings in Shushan, though it is hinted at that he was there. Our Megillah ends with the final verse, 10:3, but in the Apocrypha (which is not considered canonical in the Hebrew Bible) the book of Esther continues a few more chapters. The very next verse, 10:4 says "Mardocus said, 'God has done these things'." (Assume that Mardocus is Mordechai, Aman is Haman, etc...). God was there, clothed in both glory and invisibility.

So dress up, wear something fun. Who knows? Maybe the king will like what you are wearing so much that he will make you his queen...

A freylichen purim,
Matt

PS: BOO Haman!

Israeli Pro-Wrestling

I stumbled upon a website today about an organization known as the IPWA, the Israeli Professional Wrestling Association, known in Hebrew as Makkat HaMedinah, the National Plague What a great wrestling gimmick: The Shaheed (Translated variously as Martyr or Homicide Bomber) faces off against the Tur-toting Rabbi. How about a Mossadnik beating the bejesus out of a Shabak agent, finally settling the debate on what is Israel's supreme intelligence agency. Click the thumbnail on the left to see the 14 pictures enlarged . It looks like a combination WWE and the characters in Shirat HaSticker ("The Sticker Song")by HaDag Nachash ("Snakefish"). I literally LOL'd. This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. Apparently the Rabbi uses an etrog as a weapon. I don't want to know what the Hamas Suicide Bomber uses...

ARTICLE: Temple weeds out 'Tree of Life'

Sorry, couldn't resist the cover story from Tuesday's Los Angeles Daily News, something that so ties into the class I took at Columbia with Professor Jonathan Schorsch, Religious Halucinography. Additionally, this article is the subject of the top video of the day on the same website, I don't know how long the link will exist (it's streaming), but check it out for now here

Temple weeds out 'Tree of Life'

Congregation of Christians, Jews uses marijuana for religious 'sacrament'

BY BRAD A. GREENBERG, Staff Writer LA Daily News

Article Last Updated:02/26/2007 11:50:07 PM PST

HOLLYWOOD - The Rev. Craig X Rubin read aloud a passage from 1 Kings as the sun set and his congregation prepared for the Sabbath. Flicking a lighter to the lone candle atop the podium, Rubin burned a bud of marijuana on the flame. He puffed it out, walked to each of the eight members sitting in the pews and waved the smoldering cannabis around them. This, Rubin proclaims, carries the prayers of Temple 420 to God. That's the God of Isaac and of Jesus, because members are Christians and Jews. That makes the congregation Rubin founded last summer unique. But what really sets it apart - and the reason Rubin will be in court Friday - is the temple's use of marijuana as a religious sacrament. "I am willing to preach the Bible and go to jail if it means getting my message out there," the 41-year-old Panorama City man said. And he knows how strange that sounds. "I'm a Jewish kid from Beverly Hills who went to UCLA. I could have been a lawyer making $250 an hour like the rest of my friends, or a TV producer. Instead, I'm teaching the Bible, selling weed on Hollywood Boulevard, facing seven years in jail - of course I'm crazy." The temple's problems actually began as a poisoning investigation performed by homicide detectives. One day last fall, a delivery driver and a security guard were given baked goods from Temple 420, said police spokesman Kevin Maiberger. Both became violently ill and almost died. No charges came of that, but a few weeks later, on Nov. 3, an undercover officer joined Temple 420. Five days later, at 4:20 p.m., police raided it. The temple's assets were seized, as were Rubin's. He, his 18-year-old son and another man were charged with one count each of selling or transporting marijuana and one count of possessing marijuana for sale. "They were trying to set it up under the guise of a religious right and then be able to sidestep marijuana laws," Maiberger said. "The deal was for a $100 initiation fee and $100 annual fee, you could buy all the pot you wanted for quote-unquote `religious purpose.' That's bull----." Rubin, however, continues to distribute marijuana six days a week to the temple's members - there are more than 400 who have paid the initiation and annual dues - for a "requested donation" of $60 for an eighth of an ounce. He continues to burn marijuana as a sacrament at Friday night services and preaches on the weekends - Old Testament on Saturdays, New Testament on Sundays, always at 4:20. His defense relies on his insistence that God wants people to enjoy cannabis - for recreation, religion and industry - and his belief that federal and state laws protect his religious practices. "It's not a laughable argument," said Eugene Volokh, a UCLA School of Law professor and religious freedom expert. "It's just an uphill argument." Temple 420 would need to demonstrate that its beliefs are sincere and that marijuana use is not the foundation of the religion but part of a broader ethical system, Volokh said. Also, the organization would need to prove that its practices don't come at the expense of a compelling government interest. "But it's not open and shut," Volokh said. In 1996, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that Rastafarians, who believe marijuana is a sacrament, could use federal law to defend their use of the drug, but not to defend distribution or possession with the intent to distribute. Last year, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that a small religious group in New Mexico could use a hallucinogenic drug in its services. Groups often opposed to each other - from the American Civil Liberties Union to the National Association of Evangelicals - had supported O Centro Espirita Beneficente Uniao do Vegetal in its defense against the government. But the federal Religious Freedom Restoration Act of 1993, cited in the Rasta and O Centro cases, doesn't apply at the state level, and that's where the charges against Rubin will be heard. California has not passed a law similar to the federal one, and the state Supreme Court has not clearly defined whether the state constitution provides greater religious protection than the First Amendment. And, of course, there are plenty of Temple 420 skeptics. "I would inherently be suspect ... of someone attempting to use the Bible as a justification of their desire to smoke marijuana," said Brad Dacus, founder and president of the Pacific Justice Institute, a legal defender of Christian values. "It's not unusual for people to try to use religion as a pretext for purposes of carrying out their pleasures." Temple 420's tenets stem from Rubin's Jewish childhood, conversion to Christianity and experience taking peyote in American-Indian sweat lodges. A pro-pot Republican partial to dark suits and red ties, Rubin hangs the American flag behind his podium and gushes about Ronald Reagan. He has been a marijuana activist since his days at UCLA in the early '90s. A "roper" - who believes hemp is a medicinal marvel and a panacea for fiber, food and fuel shortages - and a "doper," Rubin was dubbed "Hollywood's Wizard of Weed" by High Times magazine and was a consultant on Showtime's hit "Weeds" for two seasons. While undergoing a family crisis three years ago, Rubin began studying the Bible and, he claims, God revealed to him cannabis' status as the tree of life. Last year, after the Supreme Court ruled on O Centro, Rubin reasoned he could openly practice his new beliefs, which he describes as "Judeo-Christian" and "Bible based." In August, Scott Linden, a Pasadena attorney who has helped open several medical-marijuana dispensaries in the San Fernando Valley, filed paperwork with the Secretary of State's Office that registered Temple 420 as a religious corporation. The organization, however, did not file for tax-exempt status, said Franchise Tax Board spokesman Patrick Hill. Religious services began Aug. 26, and Craig Roberts, who added the X to his name after studying Malcolm X and changed his last name back to that of his Jewish grandfather, started going by "reverend." Rubin did not attended a seminary but was ordained in 1990 by the Universal Life Church, an interfaith organization that offers "Free Instant Online Ordination." "Using sacrament as a way to elevate my spirituality blew me out," said temple member Evan Goding, 29, of Orange, who drives to Hollywood each week with his Jewish girlfriend. "I was like, no way. It just clicked. It made so much sense. "I've always believed that the world as a whole would be better if most people would just try marijuana. It brings out the better in people. And I'm sorry it's not legal; I'm sorry I can't use it for my religious beliefs without being persecuted." Temple 420 is located in a strip mall at the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and La Brea Avenue, next door to an H&R Block and across the street from a Christian Science Church. Fifteen to 30 people stop by most days to pick up pot, said the cashier, who wouldn't give his name. Rubin gets his stash from the same guys who sell it to medical-marijuana dispensaries, but he charges about 20 percent less per eighth of an ounce. Income goes to pay salaries and support the temple, he said. He insists he turns away about half the people who try to join; new members must sign an agreement professing, among other things, that "the God of the Bible created cannabis ... for the healing of all nations." "There are six medical-marijuana clubs within walking distance of here," Rubin said. "If you're a liar, you don't need to come here. Pretend you are sick." But it is clear some of Temple 420's members aren't interested in the religious services. The sanctuary seats about 40. Some members have never attended. "For me, it was worth it," David Donahue, 37, of West Hollywood said of joining the temple. "If I didn't get it through him, I would get it through one of my friends' dealers - and I don't know anyone here. "Two hundred bucks, to some people, it's a lot. It's a lot to me, don't get me wrong. But we pay for convenience." brad.greenberg@dailynews.com (818) 713-3634

Naked golden men carrying swords

By now you've probably considered my use of inverted euphamisms and the fact that I am referring to the Oscar statuette. I am away from televisions and am not checking the internet for results (I am tivoing it) and now present my predictions (read: preferences) for Oscar wins, noting that I haven't seen most of the movies and have an agenda. These categories, for the most part, are written in the order of the PDF ballot on Oscar.com

Leading Actor: although I loved Forrest Whitaker on ER until he shot his brains out, I have to give this one to Leonardo DiCaprio--BLOOD DIAMOND who continues to impress FORREST has an oscar, now let's give him an Emmy for guest star on ER.

Supporting Actor: Eddie Murphy -- DREAMGIRLS, you mean he can do semi-serious roles along with comedic? Really, he was amazing in this movie which was truly snubbed for best picture WRONG!

Leading Actress: Although I haven't seen it, everyone is raving about Helen Mirren who plays THE QUEEN in THE QUEEN. Long live THE QUEEN!

Supporting Access:And I am telling you: Jennifer Hudson -- DREAMGIRLS. Take that Simon Cowell! CORRECT! I told you. Some of the Idol winners may have record deals, but none have Oscar gold

Animated Feature: Tough one. Although Happy Feet impressed at the box office, I think a lot of it was because of the release of the Harry Potter Trailer, but still boffo. I really liked CARS WRONG, Should have bet on the other horse, um, penguin

Art Direction, Costume Design, Sound Mixing: DREAMGIRLS
ART: The Academy PANS my suggestion
COSTUME: Marie Antoinette won; let them eat their cake for now

Cinematography: Don't care, let's say... The Illusionists... Rats, I was thinking of PAN'S LABYRINTH... along with everything else because I really don't

Directing: LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA. I was at a screening of this at the WB Studios introduced by Stephen Spielberg. One of the finest movies I've ever seen and the directing must have been very difficult, and so this movie earns it. DEPARTED. Missed it again. Guess I should have ignored the THE.

Documentary Feature: President Gore (sic) will provide a very uncharismatic acceptance speech for AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH. Although many of these are popular with the Democrats (aka: voting Academy members), AIT is the one that has made the biggest cultural impact. CORRECT, and kudos to the Veep on his performance with Leo at the dais.

Documentary Short: The Blood of Yingzhou District? CORRECT, but was it really worth it?
Film Editing: Blood Diamond? Why didn't I even notice THE DEPARTED in many of these categories. I would have picked them as sweeps if I hadn't blown through the minor ones
Foreign Language Film: Since after "A Beautiful Life" I have taken stabs in the dark at this category: Water? Was wrong, don't care about this one either
Makeup: I can't stand the flagrant anti-semite, but he's gonna walk away with some Nazi gold... APOCALYPTO is going to get it or else Mel is going to ask the academy "You're Jewish, right?"... A blessing and a curse, Mel doesn't get it because the Jews in Hollywood have something against him...

Original Score: I'm assuming THE QUEEN had a good original score. What's with this BABEL?

Original Song. There is a 3/5 chance that something from Dreamgirls will win, so I am giving my vote to "Listen" from the DREAMGIRLS soundtrack INCONVENIENT TRUTH? You're kidding me!

BEST PICTURE: Borat and Dreamgirls got snubbed! Yet this makes my choice much easier. Letters from Iwo Jima was great, but I just noticed The Departed on my scorecard. What to choose... I just watched the Departed a few days ago for the first time. Iwo Jima and Departed are bloody brilliant and just plain bloody, but the star-studded cast of Departed puts it over the top. THE DEPARTED gets top honors this year. We DEPART with a win.

Short Film Animated: Don't care: Maestro? Was wrong, still don't care

Short Film Live Action:

West Bank Story is a musical comedy about David, an Israeli
soldier, and Fatima, a Palestinian fast food cashier - an unlikely couple who fall in love amidst the animosity of their families' dueling falafel stands in the West Bank.
Tensions mount when the Kosher King's new pastry machine juts onto
Hummus Hut property. The Palestinians ruin the machine and the Israelis
respond by building a wall between the two eating establishments.
The couple professes their love for each other, triggering a chain of events that
destroys both restaurants and forces all to find common ground in an effort to
rebuild, planting a seed of hope.

How could you NOT vote for that. WEST BANK STORY for the sheer Israeliness of the plot! CORRECT! Maybe there is hope for peace yet.

Sound Editing, Visual Effects: PIRATES II broke all the records. It needs Oscar gold from SOME category... ' SOUND: Well at least LETTERS won something VISUAL: CORRECT!

Sound Mixing: I'm giving this to DREAMGIRLS; More appropriate for this category for a musical CORRECTAMUNDO!

Screenplay--Adapted : I'm giving this to BORAT because how could you refuse him, he's so cute, let's expose our racist tendencies to this slav with the camera! Well, THE DEPARTED, I like. You like? How did I not notice this. I would have totally chosen it had I noticed

Screenplay Original: Close it up with another golden-boy for LETTERS. Little Miss Sunshine. My Mom TiVoed this on HBO for me and I am yet to go to their house to watch it

That's the show

DVAR TORAH S2: Terumah ("What if God were one of us?")

This must be short as I am about to drive up to Palm Springs for Shabbos to celebrate my Sabbah's second Bar Mitzvah. However the topic I am going to start requires much more than the little time I am able to provide right now, so I will merely lay the groundwork for something I plan on, bli neder, continuing when I get back to LA on Sunday.

It is hard to glean expoundable gems from the torah portions for, say, three more months, until we get to Bamidbar (with some exceptions). But there is one line that is a red flag: Build me a Mikdash so that I may dwell in it". Whoa! We try to deanthropomorphize our transcendent God, but it is hard to remedy with a bombshell like this. Does God need a place to dwell (see book of Kings where God asks the very same question)? Or is it for us that God decides to have a centralized place for worship? So this is something you can discuss this Shabbos and I will get back to it when I get back.


Shabbat Shalom,
Matt

Mishenichnas Adar Marbin B'Simcha

מש מש מש מש מש מש מש מש משנכנס אדר

מש מש מש מש מש מש מש מש משנכנס אדר

משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה

משנכנס אדר מרבין בשמחה

MiShe MiShe MiShe MiShe, MiShe MiShe MiShe MiShe, Mishe Nichnas Adar
MiShe MiShe MiShe MiShe, MiShe MiShe MiShe MiShe, Mishe Nichnas Adar
Mishe Nichnas Adar Marbin B'Simcha!
Mishe Nichnas Adar Marbin B'Simcha!


When the When the When the When the, When the When the When the When the, When the is entered,
When the When the When the When the, When the When the When the When the, When the is entered,
When the month of Adar is entered, we increase in joy
When the month of Adar is entered, we increase in joy

Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando entramos Adar
Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando Cuando entramos Adar
Cuando entramos al mesa Adar, tenemos mas felicidad
Cuando entramos al mesa Adar, tenemos mas felicidad

Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz, Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz, Ven is gekumen
Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz, Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz Ven iz, Ven is gekumen
Ven is gekumen di choydesh Adar, mer is di freylech
Ven is gekumen di choydesh Adar, mer is di freylech

All this completely ignoring grammatical constructs, just the way I like it...

Oh yeah, and 新年快乐!

DVAR TORAH S2: Mishpatim ("let's talk about sex, baby")

Okay kids, this one's PG-13. That's the disclaimer. If you're not ready for this, get your Torah-fix here for just this week.

This week's Torah Portion is Mishpatim, which literally means "judgements" or "laws". How appropriate for a portion chock full of them. What I love this Torah portion because, although it is full of mitzvot (sefer chinuch counts 53 of them, 8.6% of the 613 mitzvot can be found in this portion) there are so many fascinating things to talk about. Assuming I write one Dvar Torah on each of the mitzvot annually, I will be still writing these things at age 75. But by then the internet will have been replaced by telepathy. Anywho, Last year I talked about biomedical ethics and the obligation in our religion to have doctors that heal, that the Hippocratic Oath is inherent in Judaism. There are so many ways to incur the death penalty here. If you hit a man and he dies, you will surely die. If you hit your parents, you die. If you curse your parents, you die. If you put an empty container of OJ back into the damn fridge, you die. Understand?

Anyway, this relatively short dvar will focus on Exodus 21:10:

אִם־אַחֶרֶת יִֽקַּֽח־לוֹ שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹֽנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָֽע

We don't need to deal with the content of the first half of the verse, rather the end "her food, her clothing, and her 'season' shall not be diminished". This verse, originally talking about a man who takes another wife owes these things to his wife. He must provide adequate food, clothing, and sex (which is the Rabbinic interpretation of the euphemism "season") to keep her satisfied. Without the ability and/or the motivation to provide these things, there is no possibility for the marriage to continue.

Tractate Ketubot, which some of you had studied in Advanced Talmud with me a few years ago, talks about these things guaranteed to women, particularly focusing on the last one. What is the frequency that one must give sex to one's wife? I don't have the tractate in front of me, but I remember that it depends on the profession. Someone who is a member of the "leisure class" must perform the deed DAILY (outside of the obvious week or so of Niddah and Levana) where such deeds are forbidden). Day laborers who tend to be tired have to do it twice a week. Us scholars are required to provide for our wives weekly, as do people with steady local jobs. This is where the legend of "Sex is a Double Mitzvah on Shabbat" came from, the fact that the one day off was Shabbat after the 6 day work-week and therefore this is when the scholars would come home and the workers weren't completely exhausted from work. Camel drivers have a month to get back home and sailors on the open sea, six months.

One cannot vow an open-ended vow to withhold sex from one's wife or else the Rabbis can attempt to nullify the marriage (not even requiring a get) and one must have permission from one's wife (non-coerced) to extend the deadlines.

I should note that it is not for procreation that we are commanded to do this but for our wives' enjoyment. Judaism is by no means a repressed religion. Remember: "Oneg karah leShabbat." Shabbat was made for enjoyment. So enjoy.

Shabbat Shalom.

Next season for Mishpatim divrei torah: shor she-naga, the ox that gores. (bli neder)

DVAR TORAH S2: Yitro ("Birth of Bureaucracy")

This is my first Dvar Torah in Season 2. A year ago, on this very parasha, I started writing what I at the time thought was going to be a one shot deal. Yet people really liked it and I found it therapeutic so I continued. Now I have to make the decision whether to continue, I am leaning toward "yes". And now a year later I have the added challenge of being original. Bli neder, I will try to be somewhat original, though I will not always read over my previous Divrei Torah. So hear launches Season 2, version 2.0, the sophomore year.

So let me start by focusing on the other section of the Torah portion. This portion has two major sections: that of Jethro (aka: Yitro/Yeter/Hobab/Reuel/Chever/Keni/Putiel) and his arrival, contributions, and departure, and that of the account of the Revelation, namely the Aseret HaDibrot. Last year I tackled the latter, this year I will tackle the former.

Jethro, the quintesential ger hatzedek and shaliach of the Jewish people, as well as Moses' father-in-law came at some point (disputed whether before or after the Ten Commandments) to deliver his daughter and grandsons as well as to have a heart-to-heart with his son-in-law. He has tried all religions and deities and, rejoicing in what God did for His people Israel, he found Judaism to be the only one that made sense and the God of Israel as the only God. He then sacrificed to God and shared his thanksgiving offerings with the people, a national celebration of his conversion. He then went home, midrashically he did it to be a missionary to the rest of the world, to proliferate the Name of God.

But before he left, Yitro, as all parents-in-law so often do, saw fit to leave some parting words of advice. He noticed that Moses was judging the people all day and all night, poskining law for the entire community and individuals. "This is not good the thing that you are doing", you can't concentrate power into only one person, even if you are Moses and if you're doing this for too long you're going to get tired and you will be lax in judgment. The latter resulted in the mitzvah that Jewish courts can only convene during daylight hours (one of the reasons that the Sanhedrin could have never convened to condemn Jesus). The former resulted in the creation of a court bureaucracy and hierarchy. There would be courts representing various populations to adjudicate regular law. The really big cases would go to the "Supreme Court", that being Moses and ultimately God, the smaller ones would consist of judges over 1000 people, 100 people, 10 people and other numbers.

God likes this idea and tells Moses to go ahead and find people to ordain as judges. What does it mean to be a leader? According to the criteria, a judicial candidate must be "valorous men who fear God (must have experience and a good track record), men of truth who hate bribes (must be trustworthy). Are there other qualities we look for in a leader. Though these criteria can obviously be applied to the modern judicial system, let's take leading a service as a modern example. A Shaliach Tzibur, as literally the representative of the community, has to know how to lead the service and read hebrew (preferably with a nice voice), they must be known as honest and upright people to be allowed to appeal to God on behalf of the community, and around High Holiday times having a little extra money doesn't hurt. Indeed wealth is considered a good quality for an ancient judge not because they're better than everyone else, and not only because they are less likely to take bribes, but that they know how to properly manage money. Is this an important quality for a leader?

These are not rhetorical questions I am asking. What qualities should we look for in a leader? Please comment.

Shabbat Shalom!

DVAR TORAH: Beshalach/Shabbat Shira/Tu Bishvat/Groundhogs Day/Tu Many Superlatives. (Three Heroines)

It's the first time since 1999 since the groundhogs, most notably Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early end to winter. Sorry New York, no snow. The Rabbis of the Talmud would likely refer to Groundhog's Day as a Minhag Shtoot. I will leave it to you to figure out what I mean.

This Torah Portion, Beshalach, marks the last parasha in the Dvar Torah cycle which I began last year with Yitro. One year and a Jewey Award (Okay, a Jewish & Israeli Blogs
People's Choice Award) later and I'm still going strong, I think.

Beshalach marks the Exodus from Egypt and the traversing of the Sea of Reeds by the Israelites and their collapse upon the chariots of Egypt. Within this portion is a devise of ultimate love and devotion: Shira, spontaneous song to God. Usually recited by ageless angels, today it was recited by the Children of Israel as this people who had known nothing but centuries of bondage, oppression, sorrow, and abandonment sang a new song unto God.

The angels wanted to sing the praises of God, but were forced silent as the Children of Israel crossed, and further silenced when the Egyptians were drowned ("You want to sing Hallel when my children, the Egyptians, are drowning?!) It is a time for Israel of leadership and initiative. Nachshon ben Aminadav is the first into the raging sea, only when the water reaches his nose does it split; when his soul almost leaves him (Paraphrasing Psalm 69, as the Tisha B'Av durge says, "Don't cast me off, don't leave me, because the waters have come to envelop my soul"). All of the Israelites then trudged in and marched through the sea, "the sea became walls to their right and their left", and when the sea came crashing together upon their oppressors, they sang unto God. However the men were upstaged by Miriam and the women with their song. Miriam the Prophetess, sister of Moses and Aaron, and the women, unlike the men, had actually believed in the salvation of God and had prepared their song in advance, preparing tambourines and timbrels. Whereas the guys sang a capela, the ladies had accompaniment. This is why the Talmud says that the women of Israel were the reason for the Exodus.

The Haftarah from the book of Judges tells of the heroics and song of other women. It is the story of the leader of the Jewish people Judge Deborah, her General Barak, and a righteous gentile named Yael of the Kenite people. Deborah, who holds the highest post of any woman in the Bible (and there are people who say women can't be rabbis or witnesses? She's a judge!) is engaged in war against Eglon the king of Moab (ED: Correction: Yavin, king of Canaan; damn you Wikipedia!!!) and his general Sisera. Sitting under her palm tree flanked by her general Barak, she organizes a strategic plan which routs the Moabite army. Meanwhile the actual salvation comes through the God-fearing wife of a Kenite friend of Eglon. When general Sisera realizes he has been defeated he hides in the tent of an ally's wife, giving her the instructions to guard the entrance and not to tell anyone he is there. Once he is asleep, Yael takes a tent peg and hammers it into the skull of Sisera, killing him. The war is over, 40 years of peace in the land is nigh. While 40 years might not seem that much in the grand scheme of things, modern Israel today hasn't gone 40 weeks without some sort of conflict. So Deborah sang a song of praise, to God and to Yael. This week we have two triumphant songs and three heroic women. Both the songs and the women will go down in history as harbingers of Israel's glory.

Also, scribal oddities: both songs are written in scrolls like sea waves/bricklayer patterns, both of which were previous realities for the Israelites (they had to lay bricks and they saw the crashing together of the waves)

Shabbat Shira Shalom, especially to anyone named Shira!

Chased by ducks

Nope, the title is not creative in any sense. Today I was chased by a flush of ducks ("flush" being a collective noun for the species). I don't know which species, but they were all black, with white bills, red eyes, yellow and black legs, and huge webbed blue-green feet. They look sort of similar to Black Scoters, but I'm not quite sure. Anyway on my 11.3 mile jog/powerwalk today (map shown below), I went around a number of ponds and lakes. At Lake Encino, as I was making a sharp turn on the pedestrian path. Suddenly a duck leaves the water and jumps up the 8 inches of concrete to right behind me. This reverse-Nachshon was followed by a couple hundred ducks. These things chased me maybe 1,000 feet. Then they found something more interesting to stalk. That's when I reached the largest goose (I'm not sure it was a goose, it may have been a roc) I have ever seen. Now this gi-normous white bird this started sizing me up, walking around me. It started quacking and soon I started walking away (I wanted to keep at least some pace to my jog) and sure enough the huge bird followed me into the parking lot.

It was a great jog today, as you can see on my mapmyrun jog. I am not so sure about the calories burned stuff, but I had one hell of a workout.



Ciao!

Eilat of trouble

This morning the serenity of the Israeli seaside resort city of Eilat was shattered when a homicide-bomber murdered three people. It was the first attack in Israel in 9 months and the first ever attack in the desert paradise city. A number of groups claim responsibility and it seems this is an attempt to delay the impending civil war among the Palestinian forces.

I hope the world realizes now who the aggressor is due to this unprovoked attack. I'm sure they still blind themselves to the truth by putting oil in their eyes. What would Jimmy Carter say about this unprovoked attack? I'm sure he'd blame the Zionists for this somehow. I know I take a lot of shots at the malaise-ridden president, but I am very curious if President Peanut will be able to defend the actions of another unprovoked suicide attack (I'm sure he'll try).

I don't think their sins will be forgiven this Ashura (compare to Yom Kippur)... It's ironic. The day in Islam celebrates Moses' rejoicing for the Israelites exodus from Egypt and yet there are a number of Muslims who do not even respect Muhammad's wishes of acknowledging the connection of the Jews to Israel and renouncing violence on this day.

I love this headline from Hot Air. I think it says it all about the ridiculousness of these suicide bombings:

Pali jihadi heroically liberates Zionist bakery in Eilat, killing three; Update: 100 jihadis caught from Sinai last year

I was in Israel for the previous two suicide bombings. Both were at the same falafel stand in Tel Aviv. Are there tactical installations in eating establishments? Perhaps a military base. Maybe that's where Israel hides her nukes! No. All these three attacks have in common that these places are where civilians were trying to buy some pita. This is not a war against some invading army, this is a war against regular men, women, and children. There is a technical term for this: genocide. The terrorists will not succeed.

It should be mentioned that Eilat at the southern tip of Israel has (at least until today) a relatively open and unfenced border with Egypt to the west and shares (or will share) an airport with Jordan to the east. The city is especially important to me as it is the sister-city of Los Angeles. Why do people wish to shatter the peace?

For the latest in news from Israel, check out my links to Israeli news sources.

DVAR TORAH: Bo (Yet another blow to Primogeniture)

Last week we glossed over the first nine plagues (well, in the D'var Torah; in the actual portion we did 1-7). Now for #10. Death of the Firstborn (well, not exclusively). First of all, at the 8th plague I noticed the civil disobedience that was building up. Pharoah's advisors ask, "How long is this guy going to be a snare to us? Let his people go serve their God for Egypt is lost". They are shortly going to willingly let Israel despoil their belongings (which they originally stole from the Israelites when they first enslaved them).


Alright, so this plague was introduced even before the first plague. Let us go back to Chapter 4 of Exodus (I quote the 1917 edition of the JPS as I have little time and therefore please excuse the archaic terminology):

21 And the LORD said unto Moses: 'When thou goest back into Egypt, see that thou do before Pharaoh all the wonders which I have put in thy hand; but I will harden his heart, and he will not let the people go. 22 And thou shalt say unto Pharaoh: Thus saith the LORD: Israel is My son, My first-born. 23 And I have said unto thee: Let My son go, that he may serve Me; and thou hast refused to let him go. Behold, I will slay thy son, thy first-born.'

Okay, but I find a disconnect between verses 22 and 23. I don't know if any commentators pick up on this but I have always seen verse 23, in the second person singular, as directed at Moses not Pharaoh. What happens immediately after is an angel trying to kill either Moses or his son and is only let go when Tziporrah gives him a bris. Why else would it need to say "and I have said to you"?

Why the plagues? The following may seem heretical but I want to place this in a historic context. It appears to me that many of these plagues are directed not only at Pharaoh and Egypt but at their gods. Judaism was not at this point monotheistic. The second commandment is that "You shall have no other gods before Me" not "You shall have no other gods". You could have other gods, but the Lord is the head of the pantheon, the supreme God. Numbers 21:14 mentions a missing book called "The Book of the Wars of the Lord". The Psalm for Tuesday mentions God standing in the court of El denouncing the other gods assembled. "Who is like you among the gods, Lord?". Where is that? It is the translation of Mi Chamocha. There is apparently celestial struggle and that the plagues are directed at destroying the gods of Egypt. As I mentioned last week, the plagues were introduced against the four elements, all deified in Egypt. The Nile was sacred because it brought life to the Two Lands, so God killed it, hence the blood. He killed all of the cattle on three occasions (I don't know how they had any left after Dever/Cattle death, but the ones of those who didn't fear God died in Barad/Hail and then the firstborn beasts died during Makat Bechorot/Death of the Firstborn.

What is the point of all this. This is God who cannot be attacked. To precursor the tenth plague God had the Israelites take one of Egypt's top deities, the lamb, and tie them to their houses, while the shocked Egyptians looked on. After four days, they slaughtered the lambs and smeared their blood on their doors. The Yiddish language has the most appropriate word for this: Chutzpah! Wow, the gumption and cojones of the Jews to schmear the lamb's blood on their doors and barbecue them right in front of their oppressors (possibly during the plague of darkness when the Egyptians couldn't move). This is the only plague that has an observance surrounding it. It, to this day, is the most observed Jewish custom. More than fasting on Yom Kippur, more than lighting Chanukkah candles, more than 98% of Jews have some sort of Passover Seder. This is such an important time of year that the mitzvah is given here to make Aviv (in our modern calendar, Nisan) the First of Months, something which lasted probably until the hiatus in the Jewish monarchy. The rabbis suggest that the Torah should have started here.

While death was all around them they were able to have a quiet meal. The family unit and the community are so important, to comfort one another in the face of death and to remain strong.

Though the Egyptian firstborns die, God has a special role for the Jewish firstborn. First they are the original Kohanim, the priests (later supplanted by Aaron and his descendants) but they always must be redeemed from this Holy task with which they are commanded. The first of all Kosher animals (as well as donkeys for some reason) must be redeemed as well.

Two of the four texts in the tefillin are found at the conclusion of this Torah portion. Two of the Four Sons' questions (from the Seder) are also found in this portion.

"It came to pass at midnight", but now the Israeloids (they are technically not -ites yet until they are in the atmosphere, right? are packed, their loins girded, and their matzah not leavening, and they will leave first thing in the morning.

Shabbat Shalom.

T'was not Blue Monday for me

Though yesterday was Blue Monday, it was pretty damn good for me.

-I jogged/walked 12 miles, burning 1600 calories (see previous post) and felt great throughout.
-I found out I lost 34 lbs in 6 weeks just by dieting and exercising, 18 lbs from fat, 10.2 in the past two weeks, 7.1 from fat.
-A really good class, which I made it back from my walk in perfect timing to change from my jogging clothes
-An eye-opening documentary about the Armenian Genocide was screened at VBS, Screamers (out Friday nationwide, I highly recommend it!) featuring metal band System of a Down. and attended by Shavo, the bassist for S.O.A.D. (see this article from the non-Jewish world)
I plan on treating the topic of the Armenian Genocide in a future entry
-Being on the Fox 11 news at said event in a crowd shot.
-My blog just won the 2006 Bronze Jewish and Israel Blogs Peoples Choice Award in the category of Best Overall Blog. I also would have won bronze in Best New Blog and Best Personal Blog but I had already won in the top category. w00t.

MapMyRun.com: Check it Out

Hello, Matt Rutta thinks that you should check out the workout he/she just plotted online: http://www.mapmyrun.com/route/united-states/ca/encino/222795123 Matt Rutta says, "My walk/jog today. Burned 1600+ calories, apparently." MapMyRun.com provides people of all athletic ability easy-to-use, comprehensive web-based tools to get healthy and train more effectively as an individual or group. These fun, free, interactive tools include: Online graphical pedometer / route mapper in 2D and 3D (GoogleEarth!) Online elevation tool Workout calculators enabling users to calculate key statistics such as pace, calories burned, etc. Collaborate / Sharing features that allows users to share their workouts with friends and family Cobranding / Syndication tools to enable organizations like Team in Training to share this site with it's users (Learn More) Don't believe us? Read our recent press piece from the Greenville News: http://www.greenvilleonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2006611140354 Come visit us soon! Cheers, The MapMyRun.com Team

Note: Your email address has not been saved in our system so you are not opted into any email lists, or such.
It has been used for this one time 'Tell-A-Friend' email. Click here to read our extensive privacy policy...

Razored heads and RAZR phones

Three skinheads in a pickup truck just tried to sell me a Razr phone for $10 as I was jogging to Whole Foods to shop for Shabbos. Freaky. Thank God I wasn't talking on my cell in Hebrew or Yiddish at the time as I commonly do. Actually, they may have mistaken the latter for German and maybe they would have sold it to me for $5. That was bizarre.

Shabbos beckons, time to shower.

DVAR TORAH: Va'era: ("I send my scourge, I send my sword/Let My People Go/Thus saith the Lord")

Ah, the plagues! Such an exciting part of the Torah saga! I studied the plagues in depth for about a month-and-a-half last year at Pardes. We studied the Torat Chayim, a compilation of various commentaries and written on the Torah, and this long stretch of our focus was spent on the plagues. I wish I still had my notes from last year, but, alas, all of the old computer content is in limbo.

Let's see what I remember (or if I remember). Let's recall the 10 drops of wine we spill at Sedernakht (16 if you're including Datza"ch Ada"sh Bacha"b and blood, fire, and pillars of smoke, and don't get me started on 40, 50, 200, 250, though we did study this too):
1. Dam - Blood____2. Tzfardea - Frogs__3. Kinim - lice
4. Arov - Wild Beasts/flies_5. Dever - Cattle Death_6. Sh'chin - boils
7. Barad - Hail_8. Arbeh - Locusts_9. Choshech - Darkness
10. Makat Bechorot - Death of the Firstborn

According to various commentaries, the plagues have an organization, such as groups of 3. 1-3 are a group, 4-6 are a group, 7-9 are a group, differentiated by the language and the type of attack. Then there are series of the first (1,4,7), second (2,5,8), and third (3,6,9) plagues in each of these groups share similar delivery and venue. It is this latter organization I would like to discuss. The first group, Blood, Wild beasts (or flies), and Hail, involve Moses going to Pharaoh who is at the Nile. Moses is to go early in the morning when Pharaoh is bathing (or going to the bathroom, interesting commentary in the Talmud, Moed Katan 18a). God does not want to go there because of the idolatry in the water so he says "lech" "go to pharaoh". It is Aaron for the most part that executes these plagues because Moses cannot strike against the waters which saved his life. Second series, Frogs, Cattle Death, and Locusts, the warnings take place at the palace, this time "bo el paro" "come to pharaoh". God is present in the palace and asks Moses to join him. The third series, lice, boils, and darkness, are the wildcard and occur without warning following immediately after the second series.

The lengths of the plagues are remarkable as are their effects on the Jews. Some of the plagues did affect the Jews. Also the response of Pharaoh's magicians only occurs during the first group. They replicate the first two plagues (actually making it worse) but are unable to replicate the third, after which they say "it is the finger of God", after which we don't hear about them again until they are covered in boils. There are times when pharaoh hardens his own heart and then God is the one to harden it. Pharaoh freaks during a number of the plagues and offers concessions to the Israelites slightly more at each of these plagues (he haggles, 'cause Pharaoh don't pay retail!), these being the plagues in which Pharaoh fears a repeat of Sodom & Gomorrah or mortil peril. While not having water for 7 days might kill you, it might not. Frogs multiplying like crazy? Thats some scary **** plus the magicians couldn't get rid of them. Lice are annoying but not fatal (there wasn't lyme disease back then?). Wild beasts: those'll gore you to death: let the slaves go. Dead cows, they were vegetarians. Boils, ouch, but even without lotion they won't kill you. Fiery icy hail = hellfire and brimstone; Pharaoh feared a repeat of Sodom & Gomorrah. Locusts cause famine, seeing as there was no meat left, they would starve to death, must call Moses in for a pow-wow. Darkness, worst that can happen is you'll stub your toe. That's assuming you can move, which they could not. If you are stuck in place you can't walk off many cliffs.

The plagues call to order all of the elements. To start the plagues, WATER is struck to begin 1 and 2. The EARTH is struck to summon the lice, God Himself initiates numbers 4 & 5, Moses and Aaron reach into the FIRE of a furnace to pull out soot to throw into the AIR (Moses miraculously having two handfuls of soot in each hand) to start boils, Moses waves his staff in the AIR to start hail, FIRE and WATER working in tandem going from AIR to EARTH (all together in that one), as well as AIR for the locusts and darkness.

There are some fun features to each of the plagues that I would love to go into but this is getting way too long. Perhaps there is something on Wikipedia, but I suggest you study this fascinating topic from a Torat Chayim, a real treat.

The question you are probably asking is "but what about the Tenth Plague?" That, my friends, is for next week.

Shabbat Shalom!

PS: This Torah portion has ADD. Show me why. Hint: It has nothing to do with the plagues.

DVAR TORAH: Shemot (The Prince and the King... and the Heschel)

This weekend we read (past tense reading of the word "read") Parashat Shemot (or Parshas Sh'mos if you so choose), the first portion of the Second Book of the Torah, also of the same name. In it we learn of a world of constraint (Mitzrayim) where people are enslaved just because they are seen as different, as inferior, as dangerous! In the midst of this is born a boy, his life in constant mortal peril who climbs the eschalons of power and tests the newfound waters of civil disobedience, quotes God who demands the liberation of His people. (The boy is Moses, by the way, if you didn't know)

How appropriate that we also celebrate the birth and life of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. this weekend. He was born into a world where he and his people, though released from enslavement on paper a century before were nonetheless subjugated and enslaved in the United States through inequality and segregation. He quoted God and Prophet, Moses, he idolized, for his resoluteness and not backing down when threatened by :The Man" in Egypt.

The Jews and the African-Americans have a common experience. We were both slaves in the Land of Egypt, though even after we were freed, we still faced the tribulations second-class citizenry -- at the times we were actually considered citizens. It is for this reason, perhaps, not only as Jews, but as decent human beings have taken up the call of civil rights. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, who, had he not died at the young age of 65 would have celebrated his 100th birthday this past week, marched with Dr. King from Selma to Montgomery.

(Picture: King: Fourth from right Heschel: second from right)

Why then have the relationships between African Americans and Jews so deteriorated in Los Angeles? I posed this question last week, among others, to the retired Pastor of the First AME Methodist Church of Los Angeles, Rev. Cecil L. "Chip" Murray, who answered that the Jews have moved away from the urban centers, away from the innercity, and have held open the doors in the suburbs for the African-American community, which has not yet responded. Though we may acquire greatness (this is me talking now), we must remember one of the key messages repeated again and again and again, always "remember you were slaves in the land of Egypt". Be humble but be strong and resolute. Like The Prince of Egypt and the Doctor King, you too can change the world.

DVAR TORAH: Vayechi (it's a Greek Tragedy when everybody dies)

This is going to be yet another short one because I am raring to go on a jog and I want to go before it gets too hot. This past week's parasha, Vayechi, is the final one of Genesis. It is the parasha where we wipe the slate clean of the remaining patriarchs, Jacobs and all of his sons die at the end of the parasha in order to perpetuate the next main character of the Torah who will remain its main human for the remaining four books, Moses.

This portion, like many others that come before it discredits the policy of primogeniture. Jacob says, "Ephraim and Menashe are to me like Reuven and Shimon", and unless this is a chiastic structure (fascinating article at wikipedia!), Jacob just put the secondborn before the firstborn (just like he did in regards to his own brother, and just as Peretz did when he was coming out of the womb). Indeed, though Joseph tries to avert it, Jacob gives Ephrayim the stronger hand and stronger blessing, crossing right hand over left (so much for it not being a chiastic structure, he makes his hands looking, in fact, like a greek chi (X)). From this exchange we gain two important blessings for children: "Yesimcha Elokim K'Efraim U'kiM'nashe", confered by parents upon their sons at the sabbath table, and "HaMalach HaGoel Oti" (not only used during the penultimate aliyah of the Torah on Simchat Torah when we call up all the children, but also makes a handy-dandy seudah shlishit melody and is nice to hum when you say the Sh"mata, my contraction of Shema al HaMita when you are going to bed). What does Menashe get, by the way? His name was given to one of the, if not the, worst king of Judah. The name was also placed upon the grandfather of an idol-worshipper, replacing probably the name of Moses, because little old Menashe can take more punishment...

There are so many pearls in this final parasha of Bereishit. Jacob is about to reveal escatological events but then blanks and begins his blessing of Reuven. When Jacob dies, Joseph mummifies him (kind of cool, I guess). When the brothers think Joseph will finally get his revenge after their father dies, he says that it wasn't them but God that orchestrated the events that led him down to Egypt. So much for Caesar Trajan (yemach shemo!) using that against us (see Eleh Ezkera if you get bored on Yom Kippur, and perhaps As A Driven Leaf). And Joseph dies, he gets embalmed, made into a mummy, and then is he buried? Yeah, at the bottom of the Nile under a heavy gold plate because pharaoh didn't want the Jews to leave hundreds of years later when they had to fulfill their promise to bring back the bones of Joseph to Canaan. Ah Midrash...

Remember the password: "Pakod Yifkod". It will be important later.

Speaking of the bones of Joseph, you should read this article. It makes me sick... After 4000 years they destroy it now...