DVAR TORAH: Miketz AND Vayi...gash?

Actually, I'm not sure because I am rapid-firing this one off this week. This is a twofer because I didn't exactly have time last friday. I am once again cutting it close to the Shabbos clock. Services in 8 minutes...

Last week ended on a most excellent cliff-hanger. Benjamin is framed for grand larceny (grand in the eyes of Egyptian law anyway) and is arrested. The scene begins with a confrontation between Joseph and Judah, a scene which I had, two years ago, given a D'var Torah for at Koach during Reading Week of Finals. I will replace this with that D'var Torah if I find it, but the gist is that midrash accords that Joseph and Judah were trying to intimidate each other to the extent that they were tearing down both Joseph's palace and the firmament of the Heavens. Judah was causing himself to bleed out his eyes, ears, mouth, and nose and Joseph was destroying the columns with his bare hands. I compared this to the attitude I witnessed and experienced in Butler. I think that might have been me last week.

Anyway, once I find the original, which is probably only stored on my old not-working computer, I will try to post it. Until then, Shabbat Shalom and don't stress yourself out as much as Joseph and Judah.

Beating the odds

I have never been a fan of gambling. I have always shunned putting money on the line. Chanukkah has been the exception because of a certain psak to gamble then. I would look it up, but am currently in Las Vegas with my family and don't have unfettered internet access. Utilizing the Torah portion for Hanukkah in Parashat Naso, the dedication of the Tabernacle was 12 days, not 8. Using this twisted logic, it is the 11th night of Hanukkah (I know Chanukat HaMishkan happened in Adar/Nisan...) I did therefore gamble a little. I lost on the slot machines for the most part but won in betting on football.

$20 on NFL Jets +2.5 over Dolphins WON! + 18.20
lost $5.55 on slot machines over the past couple of days - 5.55
I have won from Vegas $12.65

Not only that, but on a free pull I won two tickets to the Fab Four play. I think I'll quit while I'm ahead. As you can see, I don't gamble too much. I keep track of everything I spend. This is as effective as writing down everything I eat, which I do as part of my diet. I have my exploits notated which I plan on posting (or updating this post) later. For now, I need to leave it at this due to limited internet access.

I'm like King Midas, in both the senses of the Greek legend and the automaker, everything I touch, I get shocked. Damn dry air...

More when I leave. Probably a blackberry post during the drive back on Friday morning or something...

Vegas Navidad

Let's see if this works on a blackberry through e-mail...

I finally finished my Rabbinical School applications so I am going
with the mishpocha to Nevada and Arizona for the week. That's it for
now...

DVAR TORAH: [C]han[n]uk[k/q]a[h]

Weight loss this week: 4 lbs of fat, 0 lbs of lean muscle.
Total weight loss (over 2 weeks): 14 lbs, 4 lbs of fat, 10 lbs of lean muscle

I realized that I neglected to write a Dvar Torah this past week, and as there is both a regular torah portion (Vayeshev) and Hanukkah, there isn't enough time for both. So if you want a Dvar Torah on Vayeshev, go see the first 15 minutes of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.

Let's move on to Chanuka.

I have been asked twice in the past week about the miracle of Chanuqah, from both sides of the spectrum. Last week at a lunch-and-learn at the UJ and yesterday by Catholic business associates of my father. The associates asked why the Menora was so important. The Temple needed light so that it could function. It took, in the ancient world around a week to prepare olives to become oil. It was vital that there be pure oil as everything in the Temple had to be pure. There was no way of sacrificing quality for quantity.

At the UJ lunch-and-learn, the question was raised as to what was the miracle of Hanukkah. I said it was not in the oil lasting eight days but that there was discovered a pure sealed cruse of oil in the first place. I found that something pure and intact in the defiled Temple is allegorical of a person who remains pure and innocent in a place of ill-repute. The Maccabees were not Hellenized, though they were surrounded Grecophiles. They never gave up. Could someone growing up in Nazi Germany or in Gaza City avoid being swept up in the depraved death cultures? Would it be possible to be immune to the brainwashing in schools and in places of worship? The professor really liked this idea.

Sorry I'm so scattered. I've been working on essays for a really long time.

If you haven't noticed, there are many ways to spell [C]han[n]uk[k/q]a[h], this just in standard US Sephardi pronounciation (ie: not chanuke, etc). Can you count how many possibilities there are?

It's gonna be the best Chrismahanukwanzakah ever!

10 lbs in 6 days

My diet is going absolutely great in terms of weight loss. On my nutritionist's scale, I have lost 10 pounds in the first six days. The negative part is that it is all lean muscle that I have lost. Fat weight hasn't gone down, but actually up 0.2 lbs. I just need to drink more water. I'm feeling good and doing a lot of every day exercising, such as walking (many miles and two towns away) home from the doctor's office, running up and down many stairs, and playing an obsessive amount of DDR (see the article for details on weight loss).

So my main foci right now are getting into Rabbinical School and losing weight. A third focus would be to find a nice Jewish girl, but let's take this one step at a time here.

A tribute to Reb Shlomo Carlebach

I was a featured singer this week at a tribute service to the life and music of Shlomo Carlebach held at VBS, singing a duet of L'man Achai and singing the Moshe V'Aharon/Romemu of Kabbalat Shabbat. It appears that as a result of the smashing success of the Farbrengen, as they were calling it, I will be able to go ahead with an actual Carlebach Kabbalat Shabbat. Now some of my friends may scoff at this as a simple task. After all, we do Carlebach all the time in New York and Jerusalem. However, most places of worship, in all religions, have difficulty with change. The Lecha Dodi melody we use at Kabbalat Shabbat has remained constant for more Shabbatot than I have been alive. However, Reb Shlomo's music struck a chord (pun intended) with the congregations (as well as a plethora of guests) and interest is high for something else Carlebach.

Carlebach frequented my synagogue way back when and sang on a number of occasions with my cantor. Carlebach's greatest contribution is that he brought an entire generation (and future generations) of Jews back to Judaism, not a simple task in the '60s nor today. He definitely made my life better. There is nothing like a good Carlebach service. Well, maybe a nice chulent, but every single ingredient in that is anathema to my new diet. D'oh!

I did a lot of singing this weekend, joining with the Cantor on Saturday morning. I think I may have inadvertently become a tenor. Uh oh.


Back to essays...

Thoreau had the right idea

I should never discount the therapeutic and logorrheic value of a park. I got immense amounts of work done on my Rabbinical School essays at Holmby Park. I took my dog on a walk (though he'd like to think that he's taking me on the walk). After a while I sat on a bench, extended his leash, and took out about 18 pages out of my pocket. As Tuggy tried to chase squirrels up a tree, I made a lot of progress.

Good Shabbos.

DVAR TORAH: Vayishlach (Count Esau the Impaler)

Dots! Once again normal Dvar Torah is superseded by scribal oddities. When Jacob and Esau are reunited. Though he expected his brother to kill him, Esau hugged and kissed him. Kissed him, eh? The Torah says, וַיְנַשֶּׁק־לוֹ (vaynashek lo), which means "and he kissed him", but there is one of those rare dots above the word written in the Torah scroll. The Rabbis take this to mean that there is more than meets the eye about the word. וינשק־לו, with only a single letter changed becomes וינשך־לו, (vaynashekh lo) "and he bit him". Ergo, Esau's a vampire.

Another pointless read as I have no time. Shabbat Shalom.

PS: Whoa, my cousin's watching "Boy Meets World" and I just noticed producer Michael Jacobs, a member of my shul, having a cameo where he's davening, with kippa, tallis, and what appears to be an Artscroll in a NICU-ward of a hospital.

Homosexual Ordination and Marriage

A watershed day in the history of Judaism, the Conservative Movement's Law Committee just passed three of five papers on the subject of homosexual ordination and marriages. Two of the papers upheld the ban on both and the third paper, by Rabbi Elliot Dorff, allows limited ordination and marriage of homosexuals provided they never engage in anal sex and remain monogamous. The two papers that would have uprooted the law against homosexual relations were defeated. Multiple decisions are not binding as each community can decide which of the accepted opinions to adopt for their community.

Note that these papers are slightly different than the three discussed last time around (see my posts from, I think, March of this year). Think of these results as the passing two of the rightist opinion (and one of them is Rabbi Roth's) and the middle opinion, which remains largely unchanged.

I have not seen any of the papers yet but they should be published soon, with votes recorded as passed opinions must become a matter of public record. The two leftist papers, however, will probably never be published publicly.

Matt

Here is an article from the AP:

Conservative scholars ease gay rabbi ban
Decision upends thousands of years of precedent while stopping short of fully accepting gay clergy

Associated Press Published: 12.06.06, 22:34

Conservative Jewish scholars eased their ban Wednesday on ordaining gays, upending thousands of years of precedent while stopping short of fully accepting gay clergy.

The Committee on Jewish Law and Standards, which interprets religious law for the movement, adopted three starkly conflicting policies that nonetheless gave gays the chance to serve as clergy.

One upholds the prohibition against gay rabbis. Another, billed as a compromise, permits gay ordination while continuing to ban male sodomy. The third upholds the ban on gay sexual relationships in Jewish law and mentions the option for gays to undergo therapy aimed at changing their sexual orientation.

That leaves seminaries and synagogues to decide on their own which approach to follow.

It will also test what Conservative Jewish leaders call their "big tent," allowing diverse practices by the movement's more than 1,000 rabbis and 750 North American synagogues.

The 25-member panel made its decision in a two-day closed meeting in an Upper East Side synagogue. Students from a gay advocacy group at the Jewish Theological Seminary, the flagship school of Conservative Judaism, stood vigil nearby while the results were announced.

Conservative leaders are struggling to hold the shrinking middle ground of American Judaism, losing members to both the liberal Reform and the traditional Orthodox branches.

Reform Jews, as well as the smaller Reconstructionist branch, allow gays to become rabbis; the Orthodox bar gays and women from ordination.

The last major Law Committee vote on gay relationships came in 1992, when the panel voted 19-3, with one abstention, that Jewish law barred openly gay students from seminaries and prohibited the more than 1,000 rabbis in the movement from officiating at gay union ceremonies.

Canadian congregations to consider idea

The debate focuses on Leviticus 18:22, which states, "Do not lie with a male as one lies with a woman," echoing the fight in mainline Protestant groups about the Bible and sexuality.

It's unclear whether any congregations in the United Synagogue of Conservative Judaism, the synagogue arm of the movement, will break away over the gay issue.

A handful of Canadian congregations, which tend to be more traditional than their US counterparts, have said they would consider the idea. However, leaders believe it's more likely that individuals who object to the change will leave to worship in Orthodox synagogues.

Arnold Eisen, incoming chancellor of the Jewish Theological Seminary, personally supports ordaining gays. But he said in a Nov. 22 e-mail to the seminary community that faculty will vote on how the school should respond to the committee's decison.

Rabbi Elliot Dorff, vice chairman of the panel and a supporter of gay ordination, is rector of The Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies in Los Angeles, which also trains Conservative rabbis. The school was expected to admit gays now that the committee allows it.

Another one, from the Jewish Forward:

Breaking: Conservative Panel Votes To Permit Gay Rabbis
Four Committee Members Resign To Protest Decision
Rebecca Spence | Wed. Dec 06, 2006

In a historic vote, leaders of Conservative Judaism on Wednesday approved a rabbinic opinion allowing ordination of gay and lesbian rabbis and sanctioning same-sex unions.

The Committee on Jewish Law and Standards — the 25-member lawmaking body of the Conservative movement — opted to follow the rabbinic tradition of approving separate, mutually contradictory opinions, each of which is now sanctioned as normative Conservative practice. Of the three papers approved, the most permissive, authored by Rabbi Elliott Dorff, opens the door for gay rabbis and same-sex unions, but retains certain biblical bans on homosexual activity. Also vetted were two opinions that uphold the ban on ordaining gay rabbis, one submitted by Rabbi Joel Roth, and another, more extreme opinion submitted by Rabbi Leonard Levy.

Four of the most conservative members resigned the committee in protest: Roth, Levy, Mayer Rabinowitz and Joseph Prouser.

While the decision of the law committee marks a major turning point, it is now up to the individual Conservative seminaries and congregations to decide how to implement the ruling.

And at the movement’s two seminaries, situated on opposite coasts, the approaches are markedly different. The University of Judaism in Los Angeles has long maintained that it will immediately begin admitting gay and lesbian students as soon as the law committee passes a policy that sanctions gay ordination. But at the Jewish Theological Seminary — the movement’s flagship seminary in New York — the law committee’s decision will have to be weighed by the faculty, who plan to deliberate whether or not to begin accepting gay and lesbian students who want to become rabbis.

Judith Hauptman, a professor of Talmud and rabbinic culture at JTS and a prominent supporter of gay ordination, cautioned that the faculty there would not necessarily lean in favor of accepting gays and lesbians. “We can go either way on it,” said Hauptman. “We’re not making a decision about Jewish law, we’re making a decision about the school.”

Hauptman also said that many members of the faculty had not publicly disclosed their views on gay ordination, making it anyone’s guess what the final outcome would be. As for her own views, Hauptman expressed unflagging support for accepting gay students. “As soon as it is possible to ordain gay rabbis,” she said, “it becomes morally imperative on us to accept gay candidates for ordination.”

This week’s decision marks the final chapter in a divisive debate that has roiled the Conservative movement since 1992, when the law committee first took up the question of gays and lesbians becoming rabbis. That debate resulted in the adoption of an opinion that effectively banned gay ordination and unions. The committee’s current consideration of the issue began with the submission of nine papers in the spring of 2005, which were ultimately combined into four separate papers.

The wide gulf between the stances of JTS and of U.J. can be explained in part by the positions of the institutions’ faculty and leadership. The dean of the Ziegler School of Rabbinic Studies at U.J., Rabbi Bradley Shavit Artson, authored the1992 paper advocating gay ordination and unions, which was defeated at the time. That rabbinic opinion, known as a teshuvah, took the most liberal position in that it also lifted the ban on homosexual anal sex.

Rabbi Joel Roth, a professor of Talmud and Jewish law at JTS, wrote the opinion paper opposing gay ordination that gained approval some 15 years ago. In addition, the former chancellor of JTS, Rabbi Ismar Schorsch, has long argued that sanctioning gay ordination and unions would fracture the movement, with those who opposed it joining the ranks of the Modern Orthodox and those who supported it ultimately converging with Reform Judaism, America’s largest stream.

The appointment earlier this year of Arnold Eisen, a proponent of gay ordination, as the new chancellor of JTS signaled to many that the movement was now on track to open its doors to gay and lesbian clergy. Eisen, who is not a rabbi, is widely expected to turn to the pews in order to bolster support for the movement’s retooled approach to homosexuality.

At Wednesday’s vote, held at Manhattan’s Park Avenue Synagogue, five teshuvot were on the table, covering a diverse spectrum of opinion. The teshuvot in favor of upholding the ban on gay ordination and same-sex unions included an expanded version of Roth’s 1992 paper, as well as one written by Rabbi Leonard Levy, making the case that homosexuality is an illness that can be cured.

Rabbi Elliott Dorff, the rector of U.J., authored the paper that sanctions same-sex unions and allows for gay ordination, but falls short of deeming intercourse between men to be compatible with halacha, or Jewish law. An opinion submitted by Rabbi Gordon Tucker of Temple Israel Center in White Plains, N.Y., which advocated full equality of gays and lesbians in Conservative Judaism, with no restrictions on sexual behaviors, failed to pass after being turned into a takanah, an amendment to Jewish law rather than an interpretation. In an interview at his Los Angeles office, Dorff framed the debate in generational terms. He contended that most Conservative Jews on the younger side of the spectrum would support the decision to allow gay and lesbian rabbis, while older people who grew up in a society far less accustomed to people openly expressing their homosexuality might be opposed to the change. Dorff also noted that of the 25 members of the law committee, only two are under the age of 40.

In recent days student groups advocating a change in policy ramped up their activism in advance of the vote. Last week, U.J.’s pro-gay ordination group, Dror Yikra (Hebrew for “call to freedom”), sent each member of the law committee a copy of a letter in support of gay ordination that was signed by three-quarters of the student body.

“As future rabbis, we feel bound by the tenets of halakhah and moved by the ethical challenges posed by our new scientific knowledge and modern understandings of sexual orientation,” the letter stated. “We believe that there is a halakhically acceptable way for our movement to ordain gays and lesbians and for our rabbis to consecrate their love through Jewish commitment ceremonies.”

The group’s co-founder, Rachel Kobrin, a fifth-year rabbinical student, said that her decision to attend U.J. stemmed from its more liberal position on homosexuality. “I came here and not JTS because of this issue,” said Kobrin, 32. “Because I knew that Rabbi Artson was a serious advocate for change.” Indeed, according to Dorff, Artson accepted the job as dean of the rabbinic school on the condition that U.J. would begin accepting gay and lesbian students if and when the law committee ruled in favor of an inclusive policy.

While the majority of the student body at U.J. favors gay ordination, a quiet minority stands in opposition. One student who chose not to sign the letter, Ben Goldstein, a second-year rabbinical student from Rochester, N.Y., said that while he was conflicted in his views on the subject, he did not attach his name to the petition because he did not think that both sides had been given a fair hearing at U.J. Goldstein said that Dorff’s view had been fully parsed, but that Roth’s opinion upholding the ban had gotten short shrift.

“There are other people who feel the same way I do, but they won’t tell you,” he said, citing an atmosphere in which it was frowned upon to oppose gay ordination.

Meanwhile, at JTS, the student organization that advocates full inclusion of gays and lesbians, Keshet, hosted seminars on homosexuality in Judaism while the law committee deliberated. Students wearing rainbow ribbons and buttons proclaiming “ordination regardless of orientation,” participated in educational sessions on such diverse topics as the history of lobbying in the process of deciding Jewish law as well as gay interpretations of the classic Yiddish play, “The Dybbuk.”

The law committee’s decision to allow gays and lesbians to be ordained as rabbis and to sanction same-sex unions comes as other mainstream religions are grappling with similar internecine debates. In recent weeks a southern California diocese of the Episcopal Church (U.S.A.) moved to distance itself from the church over its ordination of gays and women, when it voted to identify as a member of the worldwide Anglican Communion, rather than a member of the American arm. That vote could portend a complete break from the church, which recently elected its first female bishop.

[H]azkarot for a non-Jew?

My uncle's fiance's father passed away today and I was wondering if anyone knew the policy for "making azkarot/hazkarot" (I've seen and heard it both ways and both technically work in Hebrew) for a non-Jew. I assume you don't do the thirty day thing like you would for a Jew. My other uncle's shloshim for his mother ends on tuesday and he will begin to add her name to the El Moley Rachamim list forthwith. But when the longtime head of maintainance passed away a few months ago, the Rabbi offered his name at the first market day after his passing. So is this halachic policy or is this something my shul just cooked up? Anyone have any idea?

L'havdil, can one make a Mi Shebeyrach for oneself? Can one ask another present to make it for one? I think I have a legitimate right to a prayer for healing. The back is not getting better. I even declined to lead davening this morning. I never turn the Sha"tz position down (my voice was also gone; I did end up leading maariv still)! Many hours of massages, 100 degree outdoor jacuzzi jets (hooray for a Los Angeles December), and hot showers did nothing except cause a desensitizing tickle. Oh well, just have to keep eating right and waiting until I can exercise again. No, I'm not joking... Today has been a complete waste of a day without the ability to take the focus off my back and onto my numerous Rabbinical School application essays.

I will need to seriously consider taking a sick day tomorrow, I probably won't as you've seen in my previous post, but the injury is very much affecting my concentration, and though I always play through the pain, I wouldn't be teaching at 100%. Perhaps at my doctor's appointment on Tuesday, he will straighten me out (ha, get it, straighten out, bad back, chiropractor joke! All that I'm not even on painkillers)

Layla tov.

Matt is back (-pain prone)

Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to find himself transformed into a cockroach. Matt Rutta awoke one shabbat morning (okay this morning) to find himself unable to get out of bed without suffering large amounts of back pain. I assume the source of the pain is due to the number of really tough passes I went for playing football this past week, perhaps in conjunction with my increased physical activity on account of getting a new iPod. It also probably does not help that I'm carrying around this excess weight (hey, I'm trying to lose it... I wish I was losing weight, not, say, sweatshirts and siddurim) I however couldn't get out of bed without being in sheer pain. If anyone knows me, I always play through pain. I have a torture-tolerance level higher than most in terms of being obstinately present at everything I need to be at to my own deficit. I won the attendance award at my high school graduation. I am like a combination Hermione Granger (in terms of dedication) and Neville Longbottom (in terms of horrendous luck). The advil I took today did absolutely nothing and I might have to take Vicodin or a more liver-friendly alternative to help me on the road to recovery.

It's difficult to balance Shabbat observance with comfort. I didn't want to use the heating pads on shabbat. When I had a fever of 103.7 a couple of years ago with my URI, I WAS in fact checking my temperature constantly, even on shabbat, due to obvious pikuach nefesh necessities (If it reached 104, I would have called CAVA). But I don't think back-pain qualifies for breaking or bending the rules of shabbat. Plus, I didn't know what to do when I have back pain, so I put some pillows directly under my lower back where it hurts. Oops; not a good idea...

I did, by the way, end up going to teach my class and take my students to services, which is just as well as my co- was out sick. My biggest concern when I was Gabbai of Koach, Co-Chair of Koach, or a Seudah Shlishit Coordinator (or just leading services) is how to tell people I wouldn't be able to make it due to debilitating sickness. More often than not, I still went. When I had gastroenteritis a few years ago and unable to eat solid food without, well see this entry from my deadjournal about it. I still ended up leading Carlebach service the next day even though I couldn't even eat solid food. I'm a fighter. I'll end this now so I can have the blissful sleep before I realize that I am still in intense pain.

Refuah Shleyma Umheyra: me.

That brings my almost-being-run-over-by-a-celebrity count to two

Well, it was pretty close from my vantage point anyway when the Congressman pulled out of the synagogue parking lot early this afternoon. I was also almost run over by Jerry Seinfeld 10 years ago in the CBS studio lot. Actually, I'm sure I have been almost run over by other celebrities during one of my escapades.

Anyway, it's been a while since my last real update. Actually, since shabbos is coming soon, this won't be that long either. Essays are consuming me, but I am excited to report that I got a new iPod, a video one, replacing my ill-fated iPod mini, which means that I can go on extended jogs again. In the iAge, I am unable to survive without something to distract me when exercising. It's the same reason that I need to be watching TV when jogging on the treadmill. There is a ying to every yang and nowadays I would lack the motivation to get in shape without music or podcasts to keep me going.

Speaking of boredom, I really miss everyone. Hope to see everyone relatively soon. Perhaps I will continue this tomorrow night or sunday because Shabbat is a'coming!

Shabbat Shalom.

DVAR TORAH: Vayetze (So dark the con of man)

Jacob has encountered his opposite in Esau, yes. Esau is a hunter, Jacob is a simple man who studies in his tent. Esau uses base instinct, Jacob uses his intellect, both to their radical extents. Jacob is a trickster, Esau is an idiot. It's a classic game of brains over brawn, the pen is mightier than the sword, and so forth. Jacob will always outsmart his dimwitted brother.

However, Jacob finds his foil in his Aramean uncle, Laban. Laban is a sort of Bizarro-Jacob. Laban is able to con Jacob, and as my synagogue's ritual director says on this topic, "A trickster doesn't like to be tricked". We all know the story about how Laban succeeds in tricking Jacob into marrying Leah and having to work for him for 20 years (7 years for Leah, 7 for Rachel, and 6 to gain a livelihood). But Midrash records this all to divine plan and that Jacob gets his comeuppance. Jacob plays a little three-card monty with Laban which Laban thinks he can't lose. He makes a deal during these last 6 years that he will only keep the speckled sheep (a rarity), and the pure colored (white, brown, black) sheep will remain with Laban. Huge litters of speckled sheep were born that year. Laban didn't want to lose a single sheep to his nephew/son-in-law and so made a new deal with Jacob: Jacob gets any striped sheep. This time Laban made sure that no white sheep mated with a black sheep, thus making striping impossible. Yet many of the sheep ended up striped. Fine, next year sheep with ring designs in their fur, impossible in nature. Laban still won't take any chances and therefore only gives Jacob sheep of one gender. Somehow, all of the next generation of sheep are ringed, speckled, and striped. Jacob ends up with all of Laban's wealth.

Unless anyone can think of a better one, the moral of this story is don't mess with the Jews, they're a tricky people. This is to make sure people are paying attention. Come up with a better moral, please.

Shabbat Shalom