DVAR TORAH S2: Beshalach/Shabbat Shira/Tu Bishvat (Wonder-ous Bread)

Baruch Ata Hashem Elokeinu Melech HaOlam HaMotzi Lechem Min HaShamayim.
"Blessed are you Lord our God, King of the Universe who brings forth bread from the sky."

Thus is recited the prayer upon the manna, the sustenance from heaven which will nourish us for forty years in the desert. In this week's Torah portion we are finally rid of Pharaoh forever. We cross the Sea of Reeds and the first thing we realize is that there is no water. Thus begins 40 years of kvetching in the desert. After being slaves for so many centuries we are unable to care for ourselves so we depend on God. It will be only at the divine providence of God that we will have fresh water in the wilderness, that food will come from heaven and be ready on the ground for us to glean, and that we will be able to defeat our enemies, even Amalek who will attack us from behind in Rephidim at the conclusion of this Parasha.

In my rabbinical school essays I said that God is much like a parent. He provides for us in stages. After Egypt we are a nascent fledgling people and so God pushes aside the obstacles and while He "trains" us for 40 years he also provides for our food and drink and participates in our daily lives. Even though God is incredibly active in our lives at this point, we are going to cry like babies when anything goes wrong "wah, we miss the cholents of Egypt!" (the usual translation is flesh-pots but I think it means cholent...). Once we cross the Jordan River in 40 years, the manna will cease to fall. Yet the blessing remains similar to the equivalent: "Hamotzi Lechem Min HaAretz" "Who brings bread out from the earth". This time we are now part of the process. God sends seed, rain, and sun, but we cannot eat the grain as it comes out from the earth, we must harvest, mill, grind, knead, and bake before it is edible to humans. We were babies as we came out of Egypt with the sustenance from the heavens, but now we make our own bread with the help of God, Partners in God's Creation.

And I think the latter is superior.

In addition, we celebrate this bounty with the holiday of Tu Bishvat which comes this monday where we will enjoy the fruits of Israel, especially appropriate this Sabbatical Shemita year where the produce of Israel is free-for-all. Rich and poor can all legally appreciate the cornucopia of the culinary delights of the land.


Shabbat Shira Shalom and Chag Sameach. I was going to talk about birds, but I forgot. Maybe next year.

On that note, once again we cross the sea, and with Beshalach, I finish my second year of Divrei Torah. Whether or not I continue is dependent upon workload, have any ideas, etc... Thank you for all who read my Divrei Torah and I hope to continue soon.

DVAR TORAH S2: Bo (Midnight at the Oasis, put lamb’s blood on your door)

Because I am not a member of the Writer's Guild (though I fully support them!), I present another dvar torah, this time for this week's Torah Portion (as I still have a little more flight time, though as I write this intro I am already at home preparing for shabbos...)

Here comes the source for the Passover story… again…

So God is about to nip this Egypt thing in the bud once and for all. He’s played with his food for nine plagues now and he’s going to strike with awesomeness yet again. However this one will be so awful and awesome that it is the last straw for Pharaoh (until he comes after them on the way to the Sea of Reeds, anyway) and so they need to have their escape route planned. But they are not escaping as thieves into the dead of night. They will remain in Egypt until the next morning and will leave with pomp, circumstance, and fanfare, and the Egyptians will willingly lavish them with riches which they so deserve for working as slaves for so many centuries. God needs to give the Israelites (Does it work like the constructs of meteors? Israeloids? Israels?) a game plan. As I mentioned on last week’s torah portion a couple of minutes ago (sigh… still on the plane…), God has been getting glory upon Egypt and her gods. Now it is Israel’s turn to shame the gods of Egypt and their human oppressors. They will tie up the lambs (or goats), sacred to the Egyptians and proceed to bring them in to their dwellings and they will proceed to slaughter them, smear their blood on the doors of their homes and eat the sacred beasts for a festive dinner, all on the night when the Angel of Death (or God as God Himself will claim) visits death upon the firstborn Egyptians. Not only this, but on any house on which there is the blood of the deified beast of Egypt, the Destroyer will pass over and not harm the inhabitants.

We know that in the Seventh Plague that climaxed last week’s torah portion, fiery hail, that anyone who feared God, regardless of religion or ethnicity, should put their livestock and themselves indoors during the duration and they would not be harmed. We learn that there are a number of Egyptians that comply and are saved from the deadly combination of the four elements working in tandem, earth, fire, wind, water (and heart… poor Mati, his Captain Planet power was worthless…). And here there were also Egyptians that believed in God, particularly after many challenged Pharaoh to concede to the God of Israel as having already defeated them and that “Egypt is lost”. Were they given the opportunity or the advanced knowledge of how to avert the plague? If they did would they kill one of their gods to save their own lives? Would it have worked?

And so while there was death all around them, the Jews were to sing. In the future they would spill wine like tears to diminish their joy at what had to happen to the Egyptians, but at this point in time when Israel was still enslaved and whipped and murdered by them this was justified payback. Yesterday we were slaves in Egypt, but freedom will come with dawn.

Beginning to land, gotta go… Shabbat Shalom.

Dvar Torah S2: Va’era (My God can beat up your god!)

Well, a week late but I’ve been out of town. So I am currently flying back to Los Angeles from a week in New York City by way of Atlanta. I’ve been a little busy…

Let’s kill two parshiyot with one Dvar Torah, or the land of Egypt with Ten Plagues. Really both Vaera and Bo are part of a series as I mentioned last year (If memory serves me correctly as I don’t have the internet on the plane).

There is an interesting tradition that would fly in the face of what we tend to conceive of Judaism: that early Judaism is not a bastion of Monotheism but rather is Henotheistic, ie., there are multiple gods, but only One, the single God of Israel reigns supreme. This theory is supported many times in the plaintext in the Torah with examples too many to enumerate. In two weeks (two weeks from Bo, anyway) we read that which is usually rendered as “thou shalt have no other gods before me”, though it doesn’t say that there are no other gods. However the bottom line is that my God can beat up all the other gods, and to quote the psalmist “all the gods of the nations are nothingness but Hashem created the Heavens”. Thus there is a midrash that God was both fighting both earthly pharaoh and his celestial doppelganger, Ra, as well as all which is deified in Egypt: the Nile, cattle, goats, the superior and holier first born. The Necromancers were not denied their ability to use their dark flashy magic, but only to build up to a greater crescendo in the grand finale. God will make Pharaoh and Egypt know, without a doubt, who the real Power is. Pharaoh himself will admit that God is the righteous One and that he and his people are wrongdoers and begs Moses to entreat God to remove the pestilence which He had inflicted. His necromancers who were granted the ability to replicate snakes, blood, and frogs (or as a scarier rendering suggests for tzfardeah: crocodiles), were forced to admit that they could not compete with the God of Israel (or the finger of God/gods, however you interpret it). God says that through these plagues, God’s Name will be famous throughout the world. God’s revenge on Egypt for what they have done to His People will be like nothing that has ever occurred before, terrible and glorious, that his people are distinct and unique and that he is Unique and greater than all other gods and they remain powerless against Him. But there still remain ironclad laws that govern earthly as well as celestial warfare, and Egypt’s sar, guardian angel, will fall and fall hard and then Egypt too will fall and God will lead his chosen people with their heads held high to redemption and freedom.

Shabbat Shalom.

DVAR TORAH S2: Shemot (The Next Generation)

And now we arrive at the final central human character of the Bible: Moshe.

There is so much I could focus on. Let's start at the beginning. Boy meets girl, they have a son during times of persecution in which all the males are to be thrown, drowned in the sea. Moses is put into the very same body of water, but in a basket. He became a prince of egypt when adopted by the childless daughter of Pharaoh, who, due to her mercy for the infant, got the name Batya, (House of God). We then skip a number of years of Moses' life. What was his childhood like? I think it is really important to know that he even through his ordeal as the adopted son of pharaoh (and some maintain crown prince and heir apparent) he was not too mired in the evils of Egypt to try to prevent injustice against the helpless Israelites. The immediate next verse after he's drawn out of the water and given the name Moshe for that reason is that one day he saw an Egyptian beating up a Jewish slave and Moses, furious at the injustice, kills the Egyptian and buries him. Not as well known is the next story (omitted from most Moses related movies such as the Ten Commandments and Prince of Egypt): the next day moses chides two fighting Israelites, one of which says (in classical Jewish guilt-inspiring sarcasm), "are you going to kill us like you killed the egyptian?" It is at this point he flees. The moral here seems to be that killing the Egyptian taskmaster was not the ideal choice. As a prince it was within his legal right to kill anyone, but it is not ideal in Judaism. Note that in the future his brother Aaron will be noted as the person who handles situations peacefully and that Moses' temper will do him in. Careful, Moses...

Shabbat Shalom and Happy Sylvester.

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayechi (Password: Swordfish which has not yet shed its scales)

I missed out on writing last week because I had to finish papers and then went on vacation but now am back so I will attempt to write last week's and this week's in tandem.
I mentioned, in passing, last year about "pakod yifkod" (One translation "He [God] will surely remember you"). This is a phrase recited twice by Joseph to his brothers. Its meaning is shrouded in mystery, but it is considered, according to midrash, a password. Joseph leaves his brothers and the 70 Children of Israel assembled a cryptic message. He does not notify them that they will be enslaved in Egypt, but he does say that God will remember them (in the same word used that God remembered Sarah and the promise that he would grant her a child).

When Moses came some two hundred years later to free the people they didn't believe him. God spoke to him on the mountain saying "Pakod pakadti" ("I surely have remembered") and he forwards these words onto the elders of Israel. Serach, the daughter of Asher, the only survivor of the 70 named people who went down with Jacob to Egypt centuries later (and one of the few named women in genealogies in the Bible), who had heard Joseph in his original speech, confirmed that Moses was the destined deliverer.

Two words and the holiest man of all time was established among his people.

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayigash/10th of Tevet (Oh my gosh, it's Vayigash!)

A little delayed, but I'm in finals

This past week we read of one of the most emotionally charged moments in history, what was intense fear turned to grief turned to immense anger and then to shock and disbelief and in a blast of emotion turned to blissful elation. I am referring to the standoff between Judah and Joseph. The Prince of Israel faces off against the Prince of Egypt and according to midrash, it ain't pretty. Oh, sorry... ai not pretty. Blood oozing from eyes-not pretty. It is quite graphic what Judah and Joseph do to intimidate one another. Judah almost tears heaven and earth asunder and Joseph is not destroyed because he holds on to the marble columns.

Or something. I really didn't research this week because I am, as mentioned, in finals. Everyone around me is standoffish this week. We are feeling all of the emotions that were felt in the palace that day in varying quantities and intensities. Maybe we can learn from the midrash on this portion when your teeth begin to shatter, blood oozes from your eyes, and you are knocking down marble columns with your bare hands then maybe it's time to take a break.

Speaking of breaking walls down, today begins a fast day (the first since Yom Kippur, exactly 3 months ago and the longest break between public fasts during the year... actually with the leap year, maybe not...), the 10th of Tevet, in which a number of horrible events happened in Jewish history most importantly for the biblical basis of the holiday: the beginning of the 3 year siege of Jerusalem by Nebuchadrezzar in 588 BCE which led to the destruction of the First Temple. Another interesting reason tacked on is that it is the anniversary of the publication of the Septuagint, the first ever translation of the bible into another language, this time Greek, some time in the 300s BCE. Apparently this is seen as a blackletter day for the Hebrew Language and the Jewish people...

Anyway, back to studying. Best of luck to all those taking finals. An easy and meaningful fast to those taking up the fast.

DVAR TORAH S2: Miketz/Shabbat Chanukkah (A mighty flame of one)

One of my favorite Hanukkah songs, Banu Choshech Legaresh, which was used by Israeli hip-hop group Subliminal in a song of the same name, there is a lyric: Kol echad hu ohr katan, Ve kulanu ohr eitan. Every individual is a tiny light but together we are a mighty light. Thus is true with a multiwicked candle versus a regular candle, while a Shabbat candle is a relatively tiny light, a Havdalah candle could be considered a medura, a bonfire, a very mighty light.

However we see that in the story of Hanukkah as well as this week's Torah portion that the ohr katan, the small tiny light can make just as much of a difference. Joseph single-handedly saved the world. The tiny group of Maccabees quelled the Hellenists and the Greek-Assyrians and ensured the survival of the Jewish way of life.

Maybe you're not a Joseph or a Judah (Joseph's brother) or a Judas Maccabeus, but I feel that everyone can make a difference. As a political scientist I know that there is a very real collective-action problem within society. "Can't someone else do it‽" becomes a rallying cry. Remember the 2000 presidential election. States were won with a handful of votes. Yet voting
rates are at an all-time low. Remember that 300 Spartans tried to defend themselves against millions of Persians. The point is that anyone really has the potential to do anything, and if not, has the prerogative to mobilize.

Additionally one can rally others and reinforce that tiny but powerful light and add wicks to become a mighty flame. Additionally, wildfires tend to start with a tiny spark. So don't feel that you are unable to make a difference in the world. You can be a mighty flame on your own.

Shabbat Shalom and a freilichin un a lichtikin Hanukkah.

DVAR TORAH S2:Vayeshev (“Lost & Found” OR “Where’s Wool? D’oh!”)

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayeshev (“Lost & Found” OR “Where’s Wool? D’oh!”) (4’’ 04’’’)

As delivered before the AJU Hillel 11/30/07

This Dvar Torah is dedicated to anyone who has ever lost a sock in the midst of doing laundry.

In this week’s Torah portion, Vayeshev we shift to a new main character for the penultimate time in the entire Torah, to the story of Joseph. I love this time of year because I can keep singing songs from the greatest biblical broadway musical of all time.

I noticed something very interesting in this parasha. On three cases in Vayeshev clothing is illicitly taken from someone and used against them deceitfully, though it is all for the sake of heaven and actually benefits the future of the Jewish people. The first case is after Judah recommends they throw Joseph into the pit instead of killing him (that would have been an automatic “Game Over” for the Bible), instead he gets sold down to Egypt. His brothers tear his Amazing Technicolor DreamCoat™ and dip it in sheep’s blood. There is an interesting exchange between Judah and his father Jacob where he deceives him and asks him haker na! “identify please, whether or not this is the coat of your son”, to which Jacob believes he’s been killed. If it hadn’t been for this “proof”, Jacob might have not believed them and it was because of this coat of many colors that Joseph goes down to Egypt in the first place.

But in true biblical Curb Your Enthusiasm fashion, there is midah kneged midah, that if you do something wrong you are going to get punished for it in the exact same way. We have the famous story of Judah and Tamar. Tamar had been married to Judah’s son Er who died, and according to ancient Jewish law, yibbum, if a married man dies childless, his brother must marry his widow. Brother Onan married Tamar, angered God and died too, and so next in line was the infant Shelach. Judah didn’t want her to marry Shelach as his other two sons died on their wedding nights to her, leaving her an Agunah, so she took actions into her own hands as she badly wanted a child. She disguised herself as a kdeisha, a cult prostitute, and convinces him to patronize her. As the price is a sheep which he did not have at the time, he leaves her his signet ring, belt, and staff as collateral and this disguised woman conceives twins. When he finds his daughter-in-law pregnant, he demands her put to death. When she produces his three pieces of clothing, demanding of him the with the exact same words that he used to trick his father: “haker-na!”, Identify this ring, belt and staff. When he realizes that he is the father he marries her and one of the twins she gives birth to, Peretz, becomes the great great great great great great great grandfather of King David and the Messianic line. Ever heard of Peretz? We mentioned his name tonight in Lecha Dodi: The messianic redemption is coming Al Yad Ish Ben Partzi V’Nismecha V’Nagila” at the hand of a man of Peretz’s line, and we will be joyous and happy”. Not only this but the whole incident humbled the proud lion, Judah; vital for his stepping in to protect Benjamin in the final showdown with Joseph in Egypt.

Finally we have one more piece of clothing to lose: Mrs. Potiphar, the wife of the very influential Egyptian minister Mr. Potiphar is going to try to seduce her new slave Joseph. He resists her advances for a long time and one day she attacks him and grabs him by the shirt. He screams in shalshelet trop and runs away and the shirt tears in her hands. She takes the shirt to her husband and accuses Joseph of rape. If it weren’t for this he wouldn’t have been put in prison and wouldn’t have met the butler who would eventually lead him to become the Prince of Egypt.

We lose clothing all the time. How many times have we misplaced a sock when doing laundry? Who knows if that missing garment will ultimately bring the redemption. In fact a midrash says that Elijah is sitting at the gates of Rome disguised as a poor beggar. If only someone would offer him a garment to change his bandages he will immediately summon the messiah. If it weren’t for all of the pilfered clothing, Joseph wouldn’t have risen to power, Joseph’s brothers and father would have starved to death in the famine, as would have the entire world including Egypt, there would have been no exodus, no Torah, no Jewish people. The world was saved all because of three shmatas. So don’t sweat so much when you misplace that sock, it might change the world.

Shabbat Shalom.

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayishlach (Reality bites)

To my international readers, I apologize in advance to the esotericity of the comparison I'm about to make.

Estranged and uncomfortable family reunions, busy and annoying travel days, praying nothing is going to go horribly wrong, wrestling through the night, trying to impress/intimidate/appease relatives, a rush for gifts, your father pissed off at you for making him look bad/sleeping with his concubine/slaughtering the newly-circumcised citizens of Shechem for abducting and raping your sister/getting your tongue pierced, telling your sister she looks like a prostitute, and doubtful historical veracity; this can only mean two things: Vayishlach and Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow happens to be the all-American holiday of Thanksgiving, a holiday where we, today, celebrate reunion with family and, more likely, mere toleration of one another. Could we have hoped for anything more from Jacob and Esau?

Sure Esau tried to bite Jacob instead of kissing him as I mentioned in last year's Dvar Torah on this Parasha. When I delivered my senior sermon in high school on this very portion seven years ago (damn...), my research into Midrash also indicated that Esau was the one whom Jacob wrestled for the blessing.

Family fighting is synonymous with the holiday of Thanksgiving. One of my favorite comedians Lewis Black once ranted long ago on the Daily Show (way back in the Craig Kilborn era) about this holiday, its effect on diets and the fact that instead of killing your family you eat their weight in food. Thank God Esau was able to hold back, even though he did try and nibble on his twin brother a little bit...

In other news, An anagram I just discovered: Neilah = Inhale. I'm sure a great Dvar Torah can be made on the topic, but now is not the time...

May your Thanksgiving be peaceful and may you more than tolerate your family.

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayetze (The Power of Love)

What have you done for love? What would be your upper limit for what you would do or attempt to do for love?

Perhaps the most ignored part of this Torah portion is an event at the well. A heavy rock was blocking the well that required a team of men to unseal. Jacob, once he lays first sight on his beshert, Rachel, summons superhuman strength and hurls off the boulder himself. Normal people don't do this; only people who are completely smitten would attempt such a backbreaking (literally) dare-devil like act. This is just the first of many things he does for love. Do I have to mention the fourteen years he works to have the opportunity to marry Rachel. The first seven years he toiled for his cousin Laban went by like a week (this according to the Torah Pshat!) The time flew for him when he knew the reward would be the unending love of Rachel. He took Laban's subsequent trick with stride and his second seven years lasted about half a verse. Even when Rachel was unable to bear children whereas Leah was a baby factory, Jacob still loved Rachel more.

We have all made sacrifices and done stupid things for love, but let Jacob be our patron saint, per se, for ultimate love.

DVAR TORAH S2: Toldot (Trick For Treat)

First of all, this is awesome (from bangitout.com)

Top Ten Mashgiach Pickup Lines
(in honor of KosherFest this Sunday/Monday at the Javits Center in NYC)

10. You've got all the kosher ingredients I need.

9. Put you near any pilot-light and you'll turn it on.

8. I'd be on your premises at all times.

7. This restaurant just lost its hashgacha, care to lose yours?

6. You are so hot - yad soledes bo!

5. You are 1 in a 60th.

4. Just like Basar v'Chalav (meat/milk), opposites attract.

3. You must have special powers? cause you give me extra super vision

2. You're a major Kashrut violation, everytime look at you, all i can think about is treifus

1. What's your hashgacha (sign)?

Last night I showed a movie from my Israeli DVD collection, Chagiga B'Snooker. It is considered by many to be the funniest movie ever produced in Israel (an interesting review can be found here). A major part of the plot involves pool-shark and con-artist Gavriel posing as his religious twin brother Azrael in order to trick a Rabbi so his brother will marry his daughter. In fact this motif (and many of the specific gags) is almost identical to another legendary Israeli comedy: Kuni Lemel b'Tel Aviv. I'm sure there are many other Israeli movies like this and there are a bunch of American movies too: The Parent Trap and her remakes and any movie with the Olsen Twins is certain to have mistaken identity with twins.

This is hardly a new storyline. The original writer of the archetype: God (or according to some J and E). Jacob and Esau (a different J & E, though I didn't think of this before I put in the previous line) are definitely not identical, but similar enough that Jacob can trick his father Isaac into blessing him in a case of mistaken identity and trickery. Apparently people find this funny because so many comedy movies have adapted the theme. Who said the Bible wasn't hip and couldn't speak to the youth of today? Who ever thought Lindsay Lohan would debut in a movie based on the Bible?

Candlelighting is about to begin so I will have to put this on hold until after Shabbos...

Instant Replay in Baseball a possibility...

I've been advocating instant replay in baseball for years. Yeah, it might make gameplay longer and more tedious, but seeing as most bad calls tend to be against the Dodgers, I am all for a system to overturn the calls. I notice however that omitted is the "out-versus-safe" calls. This is the one that is most frequently messed up. Umpires aren't perfect. I should know; I've been one. You miss/screw-up calls. A game shouldn't hinge on a screwed-up call.

Baseball general managers recommend that instant replay be used

They vote to use it on boundary calls and home run calls but not on plays in the field or balls and strikes. Owners, players and umpires will need to approve the initiative.

From the Associated Press
11:30 AM PST, November 6, 2007

ORLANDO, Fla. -- For the first time, baseball general managers recommended today that instant replay be used to help umpires make difficult decisions.

The recommendation, by a 25-5 vote, was limited to boundary calls -- whether potential home runs are fair or foul, whether balls go over fences or hit the top and bounce back, and whether fans interfere with possible homers.

Softening stance

click to enlarge

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig opposes the use of replays but said last month he was willing to let GMs examine the issue.

"I don't like instant replay because I don't like all the delays. I think it sometimes creates as many problems or more than it solves," Selig said then.

But Jimmie Lee Solomon, an executive vice president in the commissioner's office, thinks Selig's stance has changed a bit recently.

"He seemed to be softer, at least on the consideration of the subject," Solomon said Tuesday.

He added it was unclear how the proposal will proceed and acknowledged there is "glacier-like movement in baseball" when it comes to innovation. Solomon said if Selig is willing, the commissioner probably would run the idea by owners. The plan needs approval from the players' association and umpires.

Solomon said GMs favored having a Major League Baseball official in a central place with access to all camera angles. If there is a disputed call, that official would be contacted and would view the television replay to make a decision.

"We have a very technologically savvy group of GMs," Solomon said. "I was surprised that we had five teams that said no."

Solomon also said that to speed up games, baseball was considering limiting the number of times a hitter could step out of the batter's box during an at-bat and the number of times any player could visit the mound.

http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-replay7nov07,1,7348280,print.story

The Internet is really really great... for Facebook!

From Time Magazine:


Wednesday, Oct. 31, 2007

Facebook: More Popular Than Porn

By Bill Tancer

When I wrote last week's column comparing the social-networking sites MySpace and Facebook, I included a line after my signature stating that I had only 124 friends on Facebook, and urged readers to add me as their friends. As of today I have 261 new Facebook friends, the majority of which are Generation Y college students.

I turned to Hitwise data to find out more about them. By examining which websites social-network users visit after logging into their profiles, we can gain a bit of insight into how sites like Facebook fit into their members' daily online lives. The data showed that after other social networks, the most clicked-on category of sites was search engines, with 11.6% of all downstream visits. Web-based e-mail services were next with 8.5%. Blogs came in third in popularity at 6.1%, claiming more than four times the number of visits to traditional news sites, which logged 1.5% of downstream visits.

Perhaps a more interesting — and more accurate — way to figure out where college students are going online is to assess which of the 172 web categories tracked by Hitwise get the most hits from 18- to 24-year-olds. Here's a shocker: Porn is not No. 1. I've actually been puzzled by the decrease in visits to the Adult Entertainment category over the last two years. Visits to porn sites have dropped from 16.9% of all site visits in the U.S. in October 2005 to 11.9% as of last week, a 33% decline. Currently, for web users over the age of 25, Adult Entertainment still ranks high in popularity, coming in second, after search engines. Not so for 18- to 24-year-olds, for whom social networks rank first, followed by search engines, then web-based e-mail — with porn sites lagging behind in fourth. If you chart the rate of visits to social-networking sites against those to adult sites over the last two years, there appears to be a strong negative correlation (i.e., visits to social networks go up as visits to adult sites go down). It's a leap to say there's a real correlation there, but if there is one, then I'd bet it has everything to do with Gen Y's changing habits: they're too busy chatting with friends to look at online skin. Imagine.

This reshaped online landscape leaves me feeling old and out of the loop. It seems that social-networking sites have not only usurped porn in popularity, but they've also gobbled up time Gen Y-ers used to spend on traditional e-mail and IM. When you can reach all of your friends through Facebook or MySpace, there's little reason to spend time in your old-school inbox. So, if social networking is becoming e-mail 2.0, then perhaps Microsoft's recent $240 million dollar payout for such a small stake in Facebook isn't that ridiculous.

The reality is that Facebook isn't just for kids. Last week — and this was a highlight — my dad, who just turned 75, added me as a friend on Facebook. I considered sending him a virtual beer to celebrate the occasion, but I didn't think either of us would see the point. Back in my day, we drank beers out of bottles and cans — we didn't have these new-fangled virtual beers. But, then again, I think that's something I probably still have in common with the younger generation, something I don't need Hitwise data to back up: the love of a good old-fashioned beer.

Let the messages roll in.

Bill Tancer is general manger of global research at Hitwise

(can be found at http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1678586,00.html)

DVAR TORAH S2: Chayei Sarah (Meester Eesaak! Meester Eesaak! Save the Isaac, save the world)

We now reach the transition between the stories of Abraham and Jacob. But wait, what about Isaac? Isaac gets very few verses that are about him and that do not either relate to his father or his son. Just to present an analogy as SAT season hits critical mass: Shavuot/Hanukkah:Talmudic mention of Festivals::Isaac:Patriarchs. The Talmud only has a page in a half about Hanukkah and practically nothing about Shavuot whereas Sukkot and Pesach have entire tractates dedicated to them.

In his biggest story he isn't even the main-character. Isaac is a key player, unwilling and unwitting though he is (debatable) in one of the most infamous stories in History: His sacrifice. I mentioned last week the Akedah, and Isaac's pseudonym in poetic literature as HaBen HaNe'ekad, The Bound Son. This is what people remember about Isaac, helpless and tied to an altar.

His other "major" story is when he is tricked by his son Jacob into giving him the greater blessing. Now Issac is the decrepit, blind, and gullible old coot.

This week mentions the only part of the narrative that is somewhat in his court, when Sarah dies and Abraham sends Eliezer his Damascan servant to find a wife for Isaac. In this story, however, Eliezer is the one with the active role in finding the wife, not Isaac (and Eliezer even gets his own Shalshelet trop; check it out!)

Maybe the Torah doesn't give Isaac enough credit. However, I realized that Isaac does not need additional storyline. His silence may be more powerful than any words he could have spoken. The Akedah can be regarded as the most important event in Jewish history prior to the Exodus from Egypt. The Paytanim, the medieval poets pick up on this and assign to him the saving of the Jewish people through the grace of God. The most important part of the Selichot services of the High Holidays center on the recitation of a penitential poem known as the Akedah which appeals to God to save us for the sake of the young lad, Isaac, who was bound on the altar. Many Orthodox Jews recite the Torah verses of the account of the Akedah at the very beginning of morning services daily. Isaac has also been unfortunately the paradigm of the slaughtering of Jews throughout history, and the aforementioned liturgical additions were very likely in response to the Crusades when Jews were murdered, when the survivors poured their hearts out to God to save them as He saved Isaac as he was on the verge of being slaughtered. Finally a mysterious acronym that might be from a more familiar prayer, the very beginning of the Shacharit service of Shabbat, Festivals, and the High Holidays:

בְּפִי יְשָׁרִים תִּתְהַלָּל,

וּבְדִבְרֵי צַדִּיקִים תִּתְבָּרַךְ,

וּבִלְשׁוֹן חֲסִידִים תִּתְרוֹמָם,

וּבְקֶֽרֶב קְדוֹשִׁים תִּתְקַדָּשׁ.

Notice the acronym of how God will be praised? Those that praise him, ישרים, צדיקים, חסדים, קדוֹשים is an acronym of יצחק. Still not convinced? On the High Holidays, when both the birth of Isaac and the Binding of Isaac are the central stories presented in the Torah service (the Annunciation of his impending conception reportedly made a year before his birth on Rosh Hashannah), we reorganize the ways in which God is praised

בְּפִי יְשָׁרִים תִּתְרוֹמָם,

וּבְדִבְרֵי צַדִּיקִים תִּתְבָּרַךְ,

וּבִלְשׁוֹן חֲסִידִים תִּתְקַדָּשׁ,

וּבְקֶֽרֶב קְדוֹשִׁים תִּתְהַלָּל.

The codifiers of the liturgy reorganize the arrangement of the words to form the acronym רבקה, Rebecca, the wife of Isaac, to always dwell by her husband. Isaac may not possess the nickname of his father Abraham, Eitan, the Mighty One, but rather is the Ben HaNe'ekad, but not only bound to the altar in Jerusalem, but is tied to each and every Jewish person who identifies with his plight as their own. Just as God saved Isaac, so may He save us.

Shabbat Shalom.

Sound the foghorn!

If you live in the LA area, particularly the San Fernando Valley or Bel Air, you might have noticed the spooky fog we've had today. The Valley basin was covered with it this morning, I saw from my Bel Air vista. Around 5:15 PM the fog started coming in to Bel Air itself and has persisted ever since. It is a very strange fog, almost London-like. I don't remember seeing much evening fog in LA county in my 20 years I have spent in LA. Perhaps there is therefore symbolism in this fog

After all of these wildfires we finally get some beneficial weather. But perhaps there is another symbol being represented here. This fog, filled with precipitation, comes the very same day that the Dodgers picked up Joe Torre to be their manager. I'm sure you can come
"up with something about that, but I'm to tired to make the connection. I am both excited and slightly weirded out. Excited because... he's Joe Torre! Slightly weirded out because... he's Joe Torre! The former Yankees skipper is now a Dodger‽ I think that the Dodgers are quickly turning into the All-Century team but with the players past their prime. At the same time, I tzAhink Joe Torre has a great chance to turn around a ball club that is used to having great win streaks followed by even greater lose streak. And If we get A-Rod, our menagerie of future hall-of-famers will be complete. I'm not complaining, I'm excited to have such an interesting collection of players on one team, my team. What would Nomar and A-Rod talk about, formerly on the Red Sox and Yankees respectively)? Would Joe Torre hold anything against Nomar who, though was off the Red Sox earlier in the year when the Curse of the Bambino was broken, represents the Bane of his existence? Maybe I'm reading much too into this. This is going to be a fun season...

DVAR TORAH S2: Vayera ("Damnit Abraham, I'm a doctor... and God!")

So my last year's post was nominated for a Jewish blogging award so I need to clear the high bar with this one. For comparison see last year's entry:
Rabbinic Rambling: DVAR TORAH: Vayera (Abraham's Dysfunctional Family)

I'll be very brief as candlelighting is approaching (it is 5ish now). I think Isaac died. You might misconstrue what I said and think "duh, Isaac died after Jacob's sojourn in Haran". What I mean is that I think Isaac died during the Akeidah, during his binding to the altar. I have thought this a possibility for a while. I am now also inclined to think that certain influential ancient rabbis agree with my view. I realized that the Haftarah this week is about death of a child and his resurrection. It is my belief that there is a strong possibility Abraham did in fact sacrifice Isaac on the altar and that God resurrected him. The Torah says "you have not withheld your son from me". If Abraham didn't go through with it, then why would God say this to him? (Post-Shabbos Edit: I realized as I was leyning the Torah reading for the Akeidah that it mentions that Abraham left the mountain and rejoined his traveling companions. It mentions him in the singular and doesn't allude to Isaac... maybe he was still dead at this point...)

I think my view would lend a very different perspective on God, Abraham, Isaac (Post-Shabbos Edit: the flip side is who was Isaac who, whatever his young age, was probably much stronger than his elderly father to easily overpower him. He was carrying a significant amount of firewood... did filial dedication override the need to survive? Did he willfully allow his father to bind him to an altar, to actually kill him?) as well as the underpinnings of this being the Torah reading for the second day of Rosh Hashanah: Even if the righteous die, as does happen with everyone (thank you Kohelet for constantly reminding us of that) still there is resurrection both here and in the world to come.

Shabbat Shalom.

Dumbledore is gay, says JK Rowling

Holy crap!

The rumours are true: Albus Dumbledore, master wizard and Headmaster of Hogwarts, is gay, Harry Potter author JK Rowling admitted.

Rowling, author of the mega-selling fantasy series that ended last summer, outed the beloved character while appearing before a full house at Carnegie Hall, New York.

After reading briefly from the final book, Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, she took questions from audience members. She was asked by one young fan whether Dumbledore finds "true love". "Dumbledore is gay," the author responded to gasps and applause.

She then explained that Dumbledore was smitten with rival Gellert Grindelwald, whom he defeated long ago in a battle between good and bad wizards.

"Falling in love can blind us to an extent," Rowling said of Dumbledore's feelings, adding that Dumbledore was "horribly, terribly let down". Dumbledore's love, she observed, was his "great tragedy".

"Oh, my God," Rowling concluded with a laugh, "the fan fiction."

Potter readers on fan sites and elsewhere on the internet have speculated on the sexuality of Dumbledore, noting that he has no close relationship with women and a mysterious, troubled past. And explicit scenes with Dumbledore have already appeared in fan fiction.

Rowling told the audience that while working on the planned sixth Potter film, Harry Potter And The Half-Blood Prince, she spotted a reference in the script to a girl who once was of interest to Dumbledore. A note was duly passed to director David Yates, revealing the truth about her character.

Rowling, finishing a brief Open Book Tour of the US, her first tour there since 2000, also said that she regarded her Potter books as a "prolonged argument for tolerance" and urged her fans to "question authority".

Not everyone likes her work, Rowling said, probably referring to Christian groups that have alleged the books promoted witchcraft. Her news about Dumbledore, she said, would give them one more reason.

http://www.thelondonpaper.com/cs/Satellite/london/breakingnews/article/1157245849929?packedargs=suffix%3DBreakingNews

DVAR TORAH S2: Lech Lecha (A Yoda like Yoda)

(translation: one who knows like Yoda)

This week's Torah portion should be very familiar... too familiar... to members of my Biblical Grammar class. We are taking apart chapters 12, 13, 15, 16, and on of Genesis and parsing each word for its grammatical construct, resulting in sever Yoda-like speech. Yoda was wise beyond his 900 some-odd years but spoke in sentences that didn't make sense in English. But Hebrew is not english.

"And afflicted He God Pharaoh affliction great and his house over the matter of Sarai wife of Abram. And he called, Pharaoh, to Abram and he said 'What is that you have done to me, why not did you tell me that your wife she is?'" (Genesis 12:17-18)

Fun stuff. "Lech lecha". "Go for yourself" Never thought you would translate it that way, did you?

Nothing much to say now in the limited time I have at this moment, but I will possibly update this later. Just a note that the facebook edition of this note will probably not reflect the potential updates so if you want to read it please click the link to the original post.

Shabbat Shalom

DVAR TORAH S2: Noach ("Enkidu said to Utnapishtin there's gonna be a floody floody!")

So I was thinking about poor Noach this past week as it is his Torah portion and thinking what it was like to spend an entire solar year on a massive enclosed (and incredibly humid considering the precipitation outside) structure with two or seven of any animal (depending on which version of the story you believe) that has ever existed. Well, I had a better thought during Shabbat, but it has since left my mind. Imagine being cooped up on an ark with smelly animals for an entire year. Noah was a patient zookeeper at sea.

Many religions, cultures and mythologies have in common flood stories. If you want to see a sampling check out this article on Wikipedia. Possibly the most famous, besides the Biblical story of Noah's flood is the Mesopotamian Epic of Gilgamesh. I don't want to get too into it as you can read it on your own, but I just want to point out the major difference in which these two societies, the Hebrew and the Mesopotamian, valued most. The Epic of Gilgamesh reads like a precursor to the Odyssey, the Lord of the Rings or something in between. Gilgamesh was chosen because he was the most powerful king of his age. Power seems to be the ultimate thing, and as for his goodness? Well, one of the things he tried to do was sleep with the bride at her wedding... to another person.
Noah, however, is described as finding favor in the eyes of God due to the fact that he was righteous in his generation. He may not have been the strongest, but he was in a generation of ultimate corruption and he himself was unable to be corrupted by them (I assume, but he also got completely hammered after he got off the boat and madness ensued so I'm not so sure). The point is, I would actually compare Gilgamesh to another character mentioned in this Torah portion and developed massively in Midrash: Nimrod, founding king of Babylon. He is known as the mightiest warrior of all time and the builder of the Tower of Babel. He also constantly oppresses a little boy named Abram, but perhaps we will get to that one next week... Just note that in modern slang, nimrod means a moron so take out of that what you will...

DVAR TORAH S2: Shemini Atzeret/Simchat Torah/Bereishit

My eyes have been opened! During the end of the Torah service today I realized something.

In today's Torah portion, the Torah of which we restarted yesterday, we read the account of Creation. God created humanity, in the form of Adam and Eve which he put in the Garden of Eden to till and to guard. He also placed within the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (read: not so good) and the Tree of Life, these being known as the Etz HaDaat Tov V'Ra and the Etz Chayim in the biblical Hebrew. After Adam and Eve sampled of the first tree, God expelled them from Eden lest they eat of the Tree of Life and live forever. Now why would God allow such dangerous items into His Garden? God Forbid that God was not able to foresee this happening! However what are these trees? I mentioned that I realized something at the end of the Torah service. We have something else we call the Etz Chayim, the Tree of Life, and that is Torah, that which we so recently celebrated by dancing, food, and Oh Lord, so many drinks. Prior to this we spent seven days feasting in huts, little gardens of earthly and heavenly delights before we replaced our sticks and lemons with Torah Scrolls for the next holiday.

Why would God place fiery chruvim there with fiery ever-turning swords to guard the path to the Tree of Life? I think that indeed the Torah is the Tree of Life there, something that indeed grants immortality, to both those sealed within its tomes and those that have held fast to it for over 3300 years. Adam and Eve gained knowledge, or the ability to learn, the easy way but were not ready to receive Torah. No, it took the experience of our forefathers and the centuries in Egyptian slavery for our ancestors to take claim of it. Back to the fiery angels, the angels tried to kill Moses, says a Midrash, when he ascended to heaven to retrieve the Torah, but God commanded Moses to cling to His Throne while Moses rebuffed the murderous angels and secured the Holy Torah to deliver to Israel.

My Rabbi said when he announced an Adult Bar Mitzvah class a few weeks back that the Torah means nothing and possesses no gifts if you are unable to read it and appreciate reading it. Israel, which treasures knowledge above most else was able to take possession of the Torah and forever expound upon it. Holding fast to it and never giving it up, that is our immortality.